THOSE WHO ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO MARRY
Welcome to the August edition of our Singles World. In this edition, I will discuss with you again another person that is not qualified to marry and whom you should not marry. May the Lord give us the heart to understand and to obey in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
4.
Don’t Marry a Difficult Person
Human beings are of different personalities, and you need to understand this very well to guide your relationships in life. The brethren, without any exception, too have their different funny and weird personalities in spite of their salvation experiences. A difficult person is not qualified to marry and you should not marry such a person irrespective of his or her so-called spirituality and paraded measure of grace if you want to enjoy your marriage. In the church, there are difficult brothers and there are difficult sisters. I will now show you some of the characteristics of a difficult person for you to see why you will not able to cope with such a person in a marriage relationship.
A difficult person is self-opinionated: A self-opinionated person stubbornly holds on to his or her opinion and views. A difficult person believes that he or she is always right and that others are wrong even when it is obvious to everybody that he or she is wrong. No matter your level of persuasion, he will never change his opinion which he madly considers to be right. It seems to me that this is a cognitive disorder. When you argue with such a person, you will only succeed in raising your blood pressure. Somebody said that defensiveness is their middle name. They will defend their opinions or views blindly. They are usually happy when they are proved right but unhappy when they are proved wrong. One reason for this again is that such people are lonely; so they allow their thoughts to build up.
However, such people can be very intelligent but they are narrow-minded because they are not ready to share people’s perspectives. That is what makes them difficult. Imagine you trying to convince a mad man that he’s mad, he will never agree or trying to make a sheep talk instead of bleating. It is an effort in futility. Humility demands that you admit that you are wrong when you are wrong. It does not reduce your masculinity or femininity neither does it emasculate nor dehumanise you. Don’t marry such a person either as a husband or as a wife although a calm wife can manage a self-opinionated husband because of the headship position that he occupies. It is more difficult to manage a self-opinionated wife because she is expected naturally to be submissive to her husband. Unfortunately, a self-opinionated woman will never be submissive to her husband. And that is a big problem.
A difficult person criticises others but detests being criticised: A difficult person likes to criticise others but he does not want to be criticised. He quickly spots out people’s mistakes but he does not want his mistakes to be pointed out. When you point it out, it is either he disagrees or quarrels with you over it. This is one of the characteristics of a difficult person. Such a person is not qualified for marriage. Whoever does not want to be corrected has closed up his mind to learning. When you get to a point in life that you are above correction, you are a dead person. A woman that likes to criticise other people but hates being criticised is a bad woman and she does not qualify for marriage. Similarly, a man who does not want anybody to criticise him but enjoys criticising other people will be a terrible husband. When you notice such a person, run away. Such a person will stress and provoke you constantly at home forever. And if you have this trait, keep off from marriage, please.
A difficult person is very fastidious: Another way by which you can identify difficult people is that they are usually difficult to please. They are not open to new ideas. They simply want things done in their own ways. They complain a lot and that is why nobody wants to work with them. For instance, if you cook for them, they may not be satisfied with it not because the food is not good but because they want it done in a particular way. If you go for shopping for them, they will be angry with you about the way you handle the money given to you for shopping. If you set the table for dinner, they will still adjust it to the way that they want. You cannot wash or iron their clothes satisfactorily without quarrelling with you.
It is not as if such people have the spirit of excellence as such but they just want to appear difficult. You cannot sweep or mop the floor to their taste; they will sweep or mop it again. You cannot wash their cars to their tastes; they will complain and wash the cars themselves. Such people are quarrelsome and find it difficult to relate with people. They cannot ignore or overlook minor mistakes or condone little imperfections. Such people are not qualified for marriage because they will stress their partners, their children and those who live with them if any. Such people are usually avoided. Such people find it difficult to acknowledge your assistance and efforts when they assign some duties to you; it is your mistakes that they will first identify and condemn. Avoid such people if you are not married yet.
Unpredictable mood: A difficult person has an unpredictable mood. They can be happy now and sad in the next one hour. They can sleep joyfully and wake up sadly. They can greet you good night with cheerfulness and greet you good morning the following day with gloominess. Their mood swings are worrisome and annoying. Such people have emotional dysfunction. You cannot predict the moods of such people. This is because they are too emotional and over sensitive to issues of life. Women are mostly prone to this although we do have some men that are emotional. Can you imagine you living with somebody whose mood can change to you anytime without any serious explanation? If such people get married, they will be liabilities and great burdens to their spouses. The best is for such not to be married.
By the grace of God, we will continue from here next month. Please, don’t forget to send me your comments and testimonies. Till then, stay safe and God bless you. Amen.
Pastor Jide Ajidahun
