Sexual Incompatibility: A Biblical Perspective
Understanding Sexual Incompatibility: A Biblical Perspective in Christian Marriage
Welcome again to the March edition of the Singles’ World for 2025. In the last edition, I discussed habitual dysfunction—unconquered negative habits that have been inculcated into our lives from childhood and now potentially endanger our love relationships. Our marriages work best when we put up godly characters. Many couples are quite aware of their character deficits that are negatively impacting their relationship despite complaints from their spouses, but they never make any conscious effort to improve on them.
Those who are already mothers should work hard to ensure their children or wards develop good habits for successful relationships in the future, not just in marriage but in life generally. As I have discussed various aspects of compatibility in marriage in my previous editions of the Singles’ World, I have often been asked about sexual compatibility. It is essential to address this sensitive topic—sexual incompatibility from a biblical perspective—especially considering the misleading information circulating on social media from false teachers and questionable ministers of the Gospel.
Why Many Christian Couples Struggle Silently
Many Christian resources avoid discussing sexual issues before marriage, fearing it may lead to moral corruption. However, this avoidance can result in married couples struggling with sexual issues, often leading to divorce after years of unresolved, lingering, and unmanageable marital crises.
We all have unique personalities shaped by our upbringing, experiences, and environments. Before marriage, it’s challenging to fully understand our partner’s personality, including their sexual needs and expectations. But when the unexpected is heard or noticed after marriage, the battle begins.
Sexual compatibility means being suitable for each other sexually, having similar needs or the physiological ability to meet each other’s needs.
Unfortunately, some misleading messages—like the viral video of a minister advising women to physically test their fiancé’s sexual viability by holding his manhood to be sure it is working—are circulating. This advice is not only ungodly and unclean but also contradicts Christian values.
What the Bible Says About Sexual Purity and Preparation
As Christians, we are commanded to flee fornication and every appearance of evil. You don’t need to hold the manhood of your husband-to-be or be involved in pre-marital sex to determine your sexual compatibility. It is an abomination. It’s essential to prioritize open communication, mutual respect, and trust in building a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship within marriage.
Biblical Counsel for Singles and Engaged Couples
Just as I said in my previous messages, intending couples are often not sincere with each other during courtship. A woman whose womb has been removed through hysterectomy or who has had tubal ligation would have been told by her doctor that she has either no chance or a slim chance of becoming pregnant in the future. Such information should be shared with her fiancé.
This information enables him to make an informed decision. But many women hide such facts for fear the man will walk away. They enter the marriage by ‘faith.’ When the husband discovers this later, it may take God’s intervention to preserve the marriage. He will feel deceived. Even serious diagnoses such as ovarian cysts or cancer should be disclosed. If you are sexually frigid or hate sex,
, you should let your fiancé know. If you have a spirit wife or a spirit husband that always visits you, let your partner know because the spirit will not allow you to enjoy your marriage. He will stand on the existing covenant before both of you and make your marriage miserable. If you have hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSSDD) which is a sexual dysfunction, it will make you sexually incompatible with your partner. There are men and women that are not easily satisfied sexually. That is a disorder. Such a person knows, and he or she should raise this or be delivered from it before marriage or else your partner will run away from you.
I know of a man who has no respect for the red days of his wife. He always wants to sleep with his wife as often as possible to the extent that the wife suffers from regular sexual and physical abuse. The man boasted to the wife one day and said “Don’t you know that I am sex maniac?” The wife on the other hand is somewhat frigid because of her childhood experiences. This is a classic example of sexual incompatibility.
There are men who have erectile dysfunction of various degrees, and they are aware of this before marriage. They will not talk because of ego. There are cases of men that cannot have erection for two minutes. There are some having pre-ejaculation issues. Some low sperm count or watery sperm. It will be difficult for their wives to conceive.
Unfortunately, they will shift the blame on their wives. And there are women that are having amenorrhea; they don’t experience menstrual cycles. There are women who do not ovulate at all. Conception may be far from all these women. More than 75% of these cases are well known to individuals that are having them but they will not open up before they get married. When you open up, your partner will determine whether he or she is sexually compatible with you or not. Appropriate semen analysis for men and fertility testing or ovulation testing for women in the hospital can reveal what you do not know about your sexual health status.
Conclusion: Truth, Transparency, and God’s Guidance
While it’s easier to discuss genotype compatibility, faith, and career, sexual compatibility is a sensitive and complex topic.
Nevertheless, it’s crucial to have open and honest conversations about our sexual health, needs and expectations with our potential spouse that we are going to live with for the rest of our lives rather than taking the risk of living together by ‘faith’ when there is fire on the mountain. Besides, you can also pray and ask God to reveal to you the sexual health status of your partner.
The love that you think your fiancée has for you now will disappear when she discovers that you are not a man. The love that you think your fiancé has for you now will vanish when he discovers that you cannot conceive at all and give me a child.
By the grace of God, we will continue from here next month. Please do not forget to send me your comments and testimonies. If you are not born again, please surrender your life to Jesus Christ today. Tomorrow may be too late. Until then, God bless you. Amen.
