Welcome to the September edition of our Singles World. In this edition, I will discuss with you again one of the characteristics of a difficult person who is not qualified to marry and whom you should not marry. May the Lord open your eyes to the truth of His words in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
4.
Don’t Marry a Difficult Person
They are excuse givers: A dictionary meaning of ‘excuse’ is “a false reason that you give to explain why you do something.” Difficult people always like to give excuses for their wrongs. It is usually difficult for them to accept that they are wrong and apologise. They are usually armed with excuses for their acts of omission or commission. For instance, a man who does not pay his rent or his child’s school fees because he has spent the money budgeted for it on some other things will not admit that. Rather, he will attribute this delay in the payment of the school fees to the delay in the payment of his monthly salary by government.
Also, a woman whose soup got burnt because she forgot it on the gas cooker may blame it on the sudden increase in the pressure of the gas or on her baby that distracted her attention instead of her forgetfulness to check the soup. Again, a man who arrives home late from the work place because he left his place of work late may excuse his lateness on heavy road traffic on the road whereas if he had left the office early he would have arrived home earlier. Simply because there was road traffic, he hides under that to cover up his lateness.
Again, a woman who wears a tight skirt and justifies it on the grounds that all other skirts are rough and she wants to appear neat to church whereas, there are other clothes that she could wear instead of the tight and offensive skirt or a woman who wears a top that exposes her chest and says that she wears it because she is sweating and she wants fresh air to blow on her.
A man is driving and chooses the rough road instead of the smooth one. When the wife asks him, he says the rough road is shorter to his house whereas the reason why he is not driving on the usual smooth road that he is used to is because he is avoiding a woman that he owes some money which his wife must not know about. This is a cover up! Can you imagine that! So, tacitly, such people are smart liars. Let’s look at some examples of excuse givers in the Bible:
In Genesis 3, the Lord asked Adam, “Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?” Apparently, Adam had disobeyed God by eating the forbidden fruit. Instead of admitting his fault, he said in verse 12,”the woman whom thou gavest to be with me she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.” Adam did not admit his error. She shifted the blame unto God and unto Eve. When God asked Eve in verse 13, Eve also said, “the serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.” Both Adam and Eve were excuse givers. Eve too blamed the serpent for her error. She did not admit her fault. Every husband is a potential Adam and every wife is a potential Eve.
Also, in Genesis 4, after Cain had killed his brother, Abel because his own sacrifice was not accepted by God, God asked him in verse 9, “Cain, where is Abel thy brother?” And Cain said “I know not: Am I my brother’s keeper?” The Living Bible version says, “How should I know? Am I supposed to keep track of him wherever he goes?” “Am I my brother’s keeper” means that “do you expect me to know or monitor his movement all the time? He is a mature man; he is free to go to anywhere that he wants, and he will come back home whenever he likes. In fact, he may not even like it if he knows that I am monitoring him.”
It happens in the family setting. For instance, if your partner asks you, “Do you have an extra phone charger?” You have but you don’t want to give it to her and you say “I don’t even know where it is.” Or you say “it cannot work with your phone.” Or still I don’t even know if Tola has returned it because he took it last week” whereas it has been returned. These are excuses and some people are professional excuse givers. Again, God was angry with Cain that He cursed him just as God was angry with his parents, Adam and Eve who were excuse givers too and He cursed them. Excuse giving is very provocative.
You remember the parable of a man in Luke 14 who made a great supper and invited many people. In verse 18, the Bible says “And they all with one consent began to make excuse. The first said unto him, I have bought a piece of ground, and I must needs go and see it: I pray thee have me excused.” In verse 20 “And another said, I have married a wife, and therefore I cannot come.” In verse 21, the Bible says “Then the master of the house being angry…” That is it! If you marry a man or woman who gives excuses for his/her errors, you will always be angry like this master. Of course, it was easy for the master to change the invitees and invite others which was what he did. But you cannot change your partner because he/she likes to give excuses.
Excusing giving is characteristic of difficult people, and you will always be angry. You want to live as an angry man or as an angry woman all your days? Run away from difficult people. Run away from excuse givers, and if you know you are a difficult person giving excuses when you should just admit your errors and apologise, don’t marry, please. Or else, you will continue to be a problematic spouse. Surely, marriage is not for you.
By the grace of God, we will continue from here next month. Please, don’t forget to send me your comments and testimonies. Till then, stay safe and God bless you. Amen.
Pastor Jide Ajidahun
