FOUNDATIONAL ISSUES IN MARRIAGE: SPOILT BRAT 1
Welcome again to the June 2023 edition of our Singles’ World. In the last four editions, I discussed with you the place of love in Christian relationships and how the devil has perverted it and given our singles today a sham love called lust, which our singles have embraced ignorantly as the truth. In the next series, I will be discussing with you some of the foundational issues affecting marriages. In this edition, I will discuss spoilt brats. May the Lord give you the right understanding in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
In Psalm 11:3, the Bible says “If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?” The import of this Scripture is that if the foundation is broken down, it is pretty difficult, even for the upright man, to do anything not to talk of an unrighteous man. We often hear of collapsed buildings. In most cases, they are due to structural defects in the foundations. And when a house is built on a defective foundation, such a house will collapse one day; it is just a matter of time. This is because the strength of any building is in its foundation. And there is nothing anybody can do to rectify the faulty foundation anymore.
A marriage that is built upon the wrong foundation is like a foolish man that Jesus said built his house upon the sand in Matt. 7:26-27. When the rains fell and the winds blew, the house fell and great was the fall of it. Such a marriage will crash, and great shall be its crash. Only a wise man will build his house upon the rock. Such a house will withstand the flood and the winds of life. Every marriage will face the storms and the flood of life, but the nature of its foundation will determine the level of its resistance to the storms and the winds.
Foundational issues in marriage are usually very difficult to resolve unlike all other marital problems even though general marital issues can be challenging. That is why the Bible says, what can the righteous do if the foundation has been destroyed? If you are not married yet, I congratulate you. Those who have foundational challenges with their marriages are groaning in pain. Many marriages have crashed because of foundational issues. The best thing to do is to avoid it rather than contemplate how to navigate through it.
One of these foundational issues is getting married to a spoilt brat. A spoilt brat is a delinquent child raised by permissive and lenient parents. The parents of such children never disciplined them whenever they erred. In such homes, there is no consistent enforcement of discipline and appropriate sanctions. Naturally, all children tend to be wayward and naughty. That is why the Bible says in Proverbs 22:15 “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.” Such parents never use the rod to drive away the foolishness of the child. That is why Proverbs 13:24 says “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.”
Proverbs 19:18 further says “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.” If you are married to such a child now, who will chasten him or her because there is no more hope? So, spoilt brats are products of poor parenting. Such spoilt children are always given everything they want. Parents always excuse their impertinence and naughty behaviours in the house. They are never beaten for bad behaviour. They are raised and served by house helps who do everything for them including laundry, cleaning their rooms and cooking while they spend their time eating, drinking and watching TV shows and movies. Some are raised by grandmas who don’t want them to cry at all.
Invariably, they are pampered just because the grandma is happy seeing her grandchild. In marriage, such children as husbands or wives will be very problematic. Can you imagine getting married to a woman who cannot cook? Can you imagine getting married to a man who is naughty and discourteous, a man who cannot even wash his underwear, and a man who lacks proper grooming? Now let’s look at some of the behavioural manifestations of a spoilt brat:
Selfishness: A spoilt brat is grossly selfish and inconsiderate. As a child, he was always having his way. His parents always satisfied and pleased him. His requests were always granted whether or not it was convenient for the parents. Such a child now as a husband or as a wife will always want to have his or her way in the home. If the wife wants to travel, the husband must not say No. If such a wife wants to acquire a particular property or equipment, whether the husband wants it or not, she must have it. In the process, there will be frequent altercations.
The woman has forgotten that she is no longer with her permissive and indulgent parents. Any attempt to change her will always result in frequent quarrels. If such a spoilt brat becomes a husband, he will be inconsiderate to his wife. His wife will suffer in his hands because everything will be about himself.
The health and the general well-being of the family may not matter to him once he is satisfied. Such a man does not mind sleeping with his wife even if she is indisposed. Tell such a husband that you are in your red days makes no meaning to him. He just wants personal satisfaction. Such a woman wants to please herself first. Her wardrobe and her satisfaction are very important to her. Marriage is for the mutual interest of the couple and not just for either of them.
Are you a spoilt brat? Do something about yourself before you get married.
By the grace of God, we will continue from here next month. Please don’t forget to send me your comments and testimonies. In case, you are not born again, please surrender your life to Jesus Christ today. Tomorrow may be too late. Till then, God bless you. Amen.
Pastor Jide Ajidahun
