FOUNDATIONAL ISSUES IN MARRIAGE: SPATIAL INCOMPATIBILITY
Compliments of the season to you all! Welcome to the last edition of the Singles’ World for 2024. I hope the previous editions were of tremendous benefit to you. In the last edition, I discussed the second part of genotype incompatibility which I consider as another foundational issue that has affected many homes and marriages. In the Western world, this is no longer an issue because of the level of education and exposure, but in Africa, we tend to be very fanatical and then jettison genotype compatibility tests and enter into marriage. Even when some brethren know that they are not compatible genetically, they still go ahead with the marriage plans in the name of love or divine guidance. When the unforeseen happens, they will begin to contemplate divorce or getting married to another person contrary to the Word of God. Anyway, you are a product of your choice in life.
In this edition, I want to discuss spatial incompatibility in singles’ relationships. This is when physical space or geographical location becomes a point of contention and an irreconcilable issue in a relationship. This can also be a devastating foundational issue that can affect your marriage adversely. If this is not resolved before you get married, it can be a thorny foundational issue that can rock the boat of your marriage. Amos 3:3 says “Can two walk together except they be agreed.” Many quote this verse often without applying it to their lives.
Marriage is like a ship or a vehicle that is heading towards a destination. If both of you have different destinations in life, you are simply not meant for each other. For your ship to sail well, and for your vehicle to drive well, you must have an agreed destination or else you are preparing for an accident as both of you will be struggling with the steering wheel to drive to your different destinations. In The Book of Ruth 1:16, Ruth said “…For wither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will go; thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God.” Ruth aligns with Naomi’s location. See the end result, Jesus Christ came out of that lineage. It was a great thing.
For instance, you are working and living comfortably in the UK and your partner is also working and living comfortably in the USA, and neither of you is ready to give up his or her physical location and be ready to live permanently with each other after marriage, it just shows that both of you are geographically or spatially incompatible. Culturally and traditionally, it should be the woman that should relocate and meet her husband. For instance, it was Rebekah who left her place in Nahor to be married to Isaac in Beersheba which was about 450 miles approximately 724 kilometres from Rebekah’s place.
However, the nature and the peculiarities of their jobs may determine which of the jobs should be given up. For instance, if the woman is a Chief Executive Officer of a company with a juicy salary or a WHO consultant on Public Health in Canada with very attractive benefits, and the man is on a temporary or contract job with a firm in the UK without any sign that the contract will be renewed, the man may consider relocating to Canada and stay there and trust God for a better employment. If his wife has ego problem, and she is possessive and stubborn, it may be difficult for such a man to give up his temporary job and relocate to Canada and be married to a woman with a juicy job. Their marriage may not end well.
So, it is important to resolve all this before getting married, especially when employment outside the country for foreigners can be a dicey issue. The same thing applies to those living in the same country but not in the same state. The man has a good job in Abuja, but his fiancée is a proprietor of a flourishing school in Lagos. The man is not ready to leave his job and relocate to Lagos and start looking for a new job, and his job is not transferrable. The woman on the other hand is not ready to close down her school and start all over in Abuja, and yet they claim they love each other. This is spatial incompatibility. If it is not resolved before they get married, their marriage will not work. The man may start going to Lagos monthly to see his wife. Before long, he will be fed up. Meanwhile, there are side chicks that are ready to solve his loneliness in Abuja with “thermos ministry” including the “other room.” The proprietor wife too may also have some men around her to give her maximum satisfaction or at least fill the gap. Of course, the woman is comfortable with money, and there are qualified men to give her the emotional and sexual satisfaction.
Most people do not think about all this before going into marriage. Before too long, the other person may start feeling lonely, and she may go into depression. This is one of the reasons responsible for the prevalence of infidelity, depression, broken homes, spousal assault and divorce. The husband and the wife are naturally meant to live together and build their home together. If they have to live separately, it will have to be for a short time. Spatial incompatibility is a terrible foundational issue that may hinder you from having marital fulfilment in life. Think and discuss this before getting married or else, your marriage may be tempestuous and turbulent. If you cannot resolve it, it is better to part ways. Forewarned is forearmed.
By the grace of God, we will continue from here next month. Please do not forget to send me your comments and testimonies. If you are not born again, please surrender your life to Jesus Christ today. Tomorrow may be too late. Until then, God bless you. Amen.
