THE MAKING OF A HUSBAND 2
Welcome to the June edition of the Single’s World. In the May edition, I discussed with you on the need for any man planning to be a husband to have a job. This is because a jobless man is not a good candidate for the family. We established the position of the Bible on this and concluded that a jobless man has no business getting married. In this edition, I will also discuss another indispensable nugget that every man, who hopes to be a husband in future, should have.
Responsibility: One of the serious complaints of most wives today is that their husbands are not responsible. What this means is that the husbands are not committed, dutiful, loyal, dependable, and dedicated to the marriage. It means the husbands are not accountable to the running of the family affairs. An abdication of one’s responsibility is a mark of irresponsibility. Getting married as a husband confers on you a heavy responsibility that makes it compelling for the husband to be committed and dedicated to his duties in the family.
From the cultural and spiritual angles, the husband is the head of the wife; he is also to provide leadership to the entire family. In order to provide leadership in the family, the husband is expected to exhibit the following in the family to demonstrate that he is responsible. We will now show here what it means to be responsible in the family:
A. Availability: Availability of the husband at all times to attend to his duties on regular basis including meeting the emergencies is very important. Most husbands are not available at home most of the time to show care and love to the children, to monitor the academic progress of the children, to meet the emotional and physical needs of both the wife and the children. Several husbands spend more time outside the home more than with their families. Such husbands are found at bar joints, football places, pool houses, gym places etc. Such husbands spend their time playing games with their colleagues outside and thus abandoning their homes.
They don’t care what their family members are going through at home. If the children are ill, the husband does not know at all. Besides, when he goes out, he comes back late at night. He does not know if the children have eaten or not. It is indisputable that the husbands spend more time with their families at home. It is an act of irresponsibility to for a husband to spend most of his time outside the home and come back home late in the night. If you are going to be married as a man, you must learn how to spend more time with your family at home. If you still want to continue to behave like a playboy after marriage by staying more with your guys and not with your family, it is better not to marry.
B. Commitment: To be responsible, the husband should ensure that the school fees of his children are paid regularly. There are husbands whose children are sent back home, and who have to stay at home for a while because of the inability of their parents to pay their school fees. Some husbands don’t care, and that is not good enough. To become a qualified husband, you should ensure that the school fees of your children are paid so that they don’t drop out of school and thus become nuisance in the society while you are alive. You should be ready to buy them textbooks and other learning aids.
Besides, you should be alive to pay for the utilities, like the rent, electricity, water, security, and so on. It is an act of irresponsibility if you don’t care about your rent bills, electricity bills, water bills and others. When the neighbours ask you to contribute to the repairs of the road or to pay the night guards in your neighbourhood, and you are running away, you are simply saying, you are not responsible in your street. It will also affect the people’s perception of your family in the environment. You don’t have to be a millionaire to meet all these needs. It is a matter of commitment.
If you have money to change your car, and neglect your family responsibilities, you are simply not responsible. There are some men who can sponsor other people’s children in schools, while they neglect their own. There are men who will eat outside at the restaurants and tell their families at home that there is no money for food. They simply enter into their bedrooms and sleep pretending as if they have not eaten anything. Some will buy and eat some delicacy outside, while they encourage their family to bear with the meager provision or eat the bread of affliction they provide for the family. There will be no money for the family, but there will be money for other people and other things. This is hypocrisy!
C. Dependability: To be responsible means to be dependable and reliable. Some husbands are not dependable and reliable. If they tell you they are going to the mall, they may be going for the ball. They may be with their friends in some undisclosed and questionable places. If they say they are going to see their auto mechanics, they may be elsewhere. These are not reliable husbands. Such men, according to James 1:8 are double minded and unstable in their ways. They never keep the promises made to their wives and children. They are the Nabals of today. A dependable husband is trustworthy. He is always there for the family, come rain or come sunshine. His absence in the family, even if it is for a short time, creates a “mournful” mood for the entire family, while his presence creates an atmosphere of joy and conviviality.
Marriage imposes on every would-be husband to be responsible without which marriage will be burdensome and oppressive. I welcome questions on this piece.
See you next month, God willing. Till then, stay blessed.
Pastor Jide Ajidahun.
