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I remember clearly the evening she died, leaving a void in my heart.
Two days after our twelfth birthday, she began coughing, her eyes bloodshot. She rolled on the floor holding her chest, crying to Mom that her chest burns.
A foamy liquid poured out of her mouth, she could only breath with her mouth open and two weeks later despite medication and visits to hospitals she died.
She was everyone’s favourite; the good one. I get little or no attention but with our big differences we were best friends.
We walk our street together and people stare in awe, smiling.
Mothers would meet us and beg to be prayed for, so they can have their twin babies too.
Pregnant women would have us touch their bellies.
And we, smiling shyly, will say our prayers.
Now, I walk the street alone and they only wave at me as they shake their heads in pity but I hear your footstep beside me, I feel your breath near me and your lively spirit that lights up my mood. I still see you sleep beside me at night and I see you in my dreams too. Somehow, I feel not alone.
But there is a sad part of me that wakes up: a part no one can console, when I see twin sisters walking together.
I know I will live forever with the void you used to fill.
I wish everyday that I am the dead one: you were the best, too good to die. And I hate telling myself that it is the creator’s will for you to die, to leave me here.
Now, leaving my teenage years, we would have tasted the sweetness and freedom of our twenties together. Picking clothes and shoes at boutiques, attending birthday parties and more.
It breaks my heart that this will never happen.
I dream of becoming a medical doctor, I remember the helpless look you wore on your sick bed. Wanted to save your life, to snatch you from the ugly claws of death but I was as helpless as you were.
Maybe this will fill the void and make me happy; helping those who feel the way you felt.
Your death gave meaning to my life and I understand that ugly happenings might as well be pointers to our purpose.
When everywhere turns dark, your death taught me to open my eyes in search of those bright things in the dark because there will always be.
