THE QUESTIONS SINGLES ASK 5 – May’s Edition

THE QUESTIONS SINGLES ASK 5
I am delighted to welcome you to the May edition of the Single’s World. Again, in this edition, we will answer more of the questions that our singles ask. May the Lord give us the right answers in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Question: Is it proper for mothers-in-law to live with their children?
Answer: Biblically and culturally, there is nothing wrong if your mother-in–law is living with you. There are reasons why this may happen. First, during childbirth if there is nobody that can assist you at home especially in taking care of the baby, your mother-in-law may be useful for you at that time. Some women may undergo cesarean operations that may require that they rest from any kind of laborious work after delivery. Some may be asked to have bed rest for some time. Such women may need the assistance of their mothers or mothers-in-law.
Second, if your mother-in-law is indisposed, she may just need your care and assistance at this time. In Matthew 8:14, the Bible says, “And when Jesus was come into Peter’s house, he saw his wife’s mother laid, and sick of a fever.” So, Peter’s mother-in-law was staying with Peter and his wife for care and medical attention. At old age especially, our parents will definitely need our attention just as we also expect our children to take care of us when we are old.
It is true that some mothers-in-law can be terrible, critical, possessive and too demanding. Some can even be witches planning how to scatter their sons’ homes. But not all of them are evil. Look at Naomi and her love for Ruth, the Moabitess. She was the one who helped Ruth to get a godly husband to marry. She was not a witch. If Peter’s mother-in-law was a witch, Jesus would have let us know. He could have said, ‘You this unclean spirit, I cast you of this woman.” Or the demon may even manifest at the presence of Jesus.
Culturally, especially in African societies, when you are married to a man, you are married to the entire family. Somebody said, “You are married to the kit and caboodle.” It is usually a challenge. However, the management of the mother-in-law requires wisdom, prayers and understanding between the husband and the wife. Micah 7:6 says, “For the son dishonoureth the father, the daughter riseth up against her mother, the daughter in law against her mother in law; a man’s enemies are the men of his own house.”
Some mothers-in-law can be that terrible. A woman like Jezebel will be a wicked mother-in-law, while a man like Nabal will be a terrible father-in–law. If your mother-in-law does not like you, and she is likely to cause trouble in your home, you may not bring her to your house. If you are sure she is a witch, please, keep off from her. You and your husband must agree not to bring her into your house. Your agreement must be solid. If she is ill, you must find a way to take care of her outside your home.
If your husband wants her mother to come into the house, and you are opposed to it, if she gets to know that you are the one opposing her coming that may be trouble for you if she is a witch. That is why you and your husband must prayerfully and lovingly agree on the issue without letting anybody know your mind on it. Let your husband announce it as his decision and not as the decision of his wife not to bring her mother into the home.
Somebody said, “If you cannot love your mother-in-law, befriend her. If you cannot befriend her, love her as your neighbour. If you cannot love her as your neighbour, love her as your enemy.” In case, you are led to allow your mother-in-law to live with you, you will need adjustment, patience, perseverance, and prayers to manage some mothers-in-law, while some will be like your divine helpers.
Question: I have been into a relationship with a brother for five years, and he wants to travel out of the country, but he wants us to do the Introduction Ceremony before he leaves. I need an advice on this.
Answer: Experience shows that most brothers who travel out without taking their wives along end up getting married to other women over there. That is for those who are legally married not to talk about those who are not married yet. The temptations outside the country are very serious that even the married there fall. First, the environment there is too loose that women can openly woo men whether or not you are married. White women can virtually go nude during the summer time. Things we see as sinful here such as kissing, hugging and pecking the opposite sex are normal life styles of the whites. Even when you don’t smoke cigarettes, the smoke of cigarettes that you will inhale regularly will be like you are smoking. If your wife or husband is not there with you, you may not survive the temptations.
Besides, you will see a thousand and one sisters that are far better than the Niger sister you left at home in all ramifications such as beauty, posture, spoken language, wealth etc. You will find white sisters that are ready to spoil you with comfort, give you free accommodation and free food, provide you with new jobs and make your life abroad luxurious and comfortable. All these will make you forget that your Niger fiancée because she is simply replaceable.
I advise therefore that it is either both of you get married here and travel out together or get married and stay back her together in Nigeria. If he insists on getting married to you before he travels alone abroad, say no. He will just impregnate you and travel out. You may not see him again. By the time you hear of him, he will be with another wife. Don’t let him tie you down with an introduction ceremony.
The introduction will not allow you to consider another man because you are already engaged to him, and also he has promised that he would come and take you. The chances that he will come back are remote and slim. If you don’t want to have hypertension, don’t marry him, and do any introduction or engagement with him if you are not going aboard together with visa evidence. Many sisters have waited in vain for such brothers and developed high blood pressure. Some no longer have anyone to marry, and they now look miserable. Stay off such brothers. When the snail craws, it craws with its shell. No be so? Go together or stay here together. If he must go, let there be no serious attachment to him, please.

God willing, we will continue from here next month. Meanwhile, I will be expecting your comments. Till then, God bless.

Pastor Jide Ajidahun.