THE QUESTIONS SINGLES ASK 13
Compliments of the season! Welcome to year 2020! It shall be a year of supernatural enlargement for us in the name of Jesus Christ. In this edition, I will like to answer more questions. May the Holy Spirit enlighten our hearts in the name of Jesus Christ.
Question: Is failure a barrier to relationship? For instance, if a brother or a sister is poor academically and he/ she finally comes out with a Third Class or a Pass Degree, will that affect his/her relationship?
Answer: Ordinarily, academic failure should not determine the success or failure of your marriage relationship. Not everyone who makes a Third Class or Pass degree from the university is weak academically. Some fail because they are not serious. Some fail because of demonic attacks. Some fail because of poverty. Some fail because of victimisation. Some fail because of carelessness. You may be smart and careless. You may be smart and poor. If you fail because you are academically weak, it means you are not academically inclined. If your cognitive ability is weak, it means you are not wired for academics provided spiritual attacks are ruled out.
You need to find out where your passion is. Somebody who is dull academically can be a star in another field. So, that should not affect his/her marriage relationship. You need to find out what you are capable of doing successfully beside academics. You can be successful without being in academics. However, if you are weak academically, you are not likely to be a good mate of a brother who is strong academically. If the brother goes fully into academics, and becomes a lecturer, he will want his wife to be in academics too. In that case, it will not work. The wife may not be interested. In fact, she will not be able to pursue a Master’s degree directly. If the sister is a high flyer academically, and the brother is a Pass degree holder, he may have inferiority complex.
If the wife wants to become a lecturer, the husband may not really be happy about it. This is because eventually, the brother may remain as Mr. for life while the sister will one day be called either Dr. (Mrs.) or Prof. (Mrs.). Both of them will be invited to a wedding with an invitation card that addresses them as to: Mr. and Prof. (Mrs.) Bade Jones. This may cause some trouble in some homes except the brother is highly spiritual. An invitation to: Prof. and Mrs. Bade Jones may not cause any problem for the sister. The issue in this case is always with the brother who may begin to think that his wife is outshining him. This is rivalry at work. If your fiancée or fiancé is dull academically, and she/she is always scoring poor grades, think about the implications before going into marriage with her/him. But if he has some potential for entrepreneurship, and you don’t mind the combination, you can go ahead.
Second, some of your children may inherit the dull brain of his father, or the dull brain of her mother. You will not enjoy it, and you have no control over their genetic compositions. It is entirely in God’s hands. Of course you can pray that God should not allow any of your children to take the dull brain of your husband or of your wife. If your partner hears such prayers, you are in trouble. Whether God will hear the prayer or not, we don’t know. He is a sovereign God.
Another issue with this is that you will be stressed. In most homes, husbands are not usually home people. The take home assignments are usually done by the wives. That is the truth, at least, in Nigeria. You will be surprised that your wife, who is dull academically, may not be able to solve your son’s take home assignments in Basic Mathematics, Verbal Reasoning and Quantitative Reasoning. Your son will come back and tell you that Mummy does not know Fractions. Your son can even tell you to your face. You will not like it. It is the same thing with the father. Your children will ridicule you. He can even ask for your report card while you were in school. If you like, beat him. It does not erase the impression of dullness that he has about you.
Therefore, my advice is that cognitive and academic compatibility must be considered in choosing your partner. Your reasoning faculties must be similarly inclined. Proverbs 27:17 says “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” Marry someone who will sharpen your vision. Don’t marry the person who will dull your vision. If a smart sister marries a dull brother, one day, she will start manifesting dullness. Proverbs 13:20 says “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” If you are wise, marry a wise partner to reduce your stress. If you are smart, marry a smart partner in your own interest. Unfortunately, fools are looking for wise sisters to marry. Please, run away from them. Sister Abigail, a woman of good understanding in the Bible, unfortunately married a foolish Nabal. I Samuel 25:25 says “folly is with him.” The foolishness and stupidity of Nabal nearly destroyed the entire family including Abigail if not for God.
It is not a sin if you are smart, and you marry someone who is dull academically but you will experience stress. Quick understanding, assimilation, decoding, etc. may be hampered. Although, there is no marriage that does not have its own challenges irrespective of the level of its compatibility, individuals have the right to moderate their stress level in life. Deuteronomy 30:15 says “See, I have set before thee this day life and good, and death and evil.” Life is a choice. Death is also a choice. However, if you like academics, and your partner does not like it on the account of her cognitive disability and you love him/her, you can go ahead, but be prepared for the challenges that will come with it. The only challenge with two smart people marrying each other is that they may end up becoming philosophers. When a smart person marries a dull person, the smart will always want to outsmart the dull partner. So, the dull one will always be at the receiving end. Marry the person you are most compatible with.
By the grace of God, we will continue from here next month. Please, don’t forget to send me your comments. Till then, God bless.
Pastor Jide Ajidahun.
