Home.

I breathed a sigh of relief as soon as the cab dropped me at the junction. The journey from Lagos had been so stressful; I just wanted to sleep the moment I got home. As soon as I paid the cabman, I started to trek home. I looked around and nothing had changed. The Bike men still gathered at the junction to look for passengers, People still selling recharge cards and of course, the way cars always sped on this road. It made me miss how I and my sister would walk home after coming from the market.
We were just two children at first; I and my sister. You would think we were twins or sometimes people would say I was older.
As children; 2 years apart with her being older, we were mischievous, adventurous and definitely two different people. We are still two different people. I thought I hated my sister when we were young. She was so calm and collected and I was stubborn, noisy and talkative. It was why i was so jealous. I wanted to be like her and it was very difficult for me. It was my internal conflict that resulted into a noisy child, a bit too hard hearted for a young girl, very talkative because I wanted all the attention and very stubborn because I felt I could do it all on my own. We would fight and quarrel and point fingers to each other.

“Aunty, you will not leave the road now o, until someone will hit you and you will be calling police” A bald headed motorcyclist screamed as he drove past. I quickly walked to the far end of the road and arranged my hair that had scattered from the wind. My sister would have probably scolded me for not concentrating and I would never admit I was the one that was at fault then. But even with the differences, she was my best friend.
She always looked after me and sometimes took the blame for what I did. She would tell me stories about the animal kingdom so I could sleep off and each night had different parts. She knew how scared of the dark i was and she would wait till i fell asleep before she did and she constantly reassured me the nightmares i had were just a figment of my imagination.
My lips were already cracking from the middle even after all the lip gloss I had applied. It was almost harmattan in Nigeria but it was already harmattan in Akure. The leaves had this crunchy sound when they were stepped on and the wind was annoyingly cold and dry at the same time. It reminded me of how my mum would always make sure we wore our sweaters during harmattan season.

“Fidelis open the gate” my knuckles hurt from knocking the gate. I quickly adjusted my dress and my hair before the gateman opened. 
“Ha! Madam welcome o” he said as he opened and prostrated. Fidelis was always extra. He had been the gateman even before I left home and he was one of the happiest humans I had ever encountered. I was happy he hadn’t changed. It meant happiness still existed.
“Mummy and daddy dey for backyard” he smiled like he knew something I didn’t. I just nodded and entered the house through the front. Mum always forgot to lock the front door and she would scold me as a child for doing the same not knowing I got it from her. As I walked to my room, I noticed the walls had been re painted. Some pictures weren’t on the wall again and some were just put there but one in particular caught my eye.
On a very cold night in December, when I was 10 years, my mum had another child. It was a day before Christmas and we were hanging Christmas décor when she went into labor. He was a breech baby and it was an obviously difficult labor but everyone came out alive. I fell in love with Tayo the moment I saw him.  There was nothing more precious than seeing him open his toothless gums and give the most beautiful smile. He grew as fast as I did and soon, he started doing everything I did. He always wanted me to tell him stories about the animal kingdom and I would tell him from part 1 to 100. He would crawl up to me in the night to tell me about the big bad wolf he saw in his dreams and I would tell him it was just a nightmare. I would stay up at night with him sometimes and look at the stars. He always wondered why there were so many stars and why they shined so bright and I would tell him it was the people we loved that had died that went up and turned to stars.

When I turned 20, Tayo died of Leukemia. He had fought it for 2 years and he lost. He died with the brightest smile on his face and that image haunted me for a very long time.
On the day of his burial, I was the only one who wept uncontrollably; you would think I was his mother. My nightmares resumed and became an unending loop. In all my nightmares, I always saw Tayo and the big bad wolf. It took me a year and a half to recover from his death and by this time, my sister had graduated from the university and had moved to Canada. She would always deny she didn’t move to get away from the grief but I knew she did. I saw the joy in her eyes whenever she played with Tayo, they were alike and she understood him more than I did. Sometimes I would wonder who loved Tayo more between I and my sister and I would ask him but he would smile and tell us he loved us the way we loved him. My mum and dad moved on as quickly as they could and gave most of Tayo’s things to the orphanage.
I left the country after turning 22 and moved to London. I found temporary peace there. No memories, no nightmares, just peace and now i was back after 8 years.
I entered my room to see boxes beside my bed. I dropped my hand bag on the table and sat on the bed. The bed wasn’t dusty neither was the room. A visitor probably stayed here for a while. 
“Pamilerin” I heard as I looked up to see my mother, still looking young and radiant as ever. She smiled to show her perfect teeth. “Mummy” I stood up to hug her. We held each other tight for a while before she finally let me go. 
“My baby has finally come home” we sat on the bed and she started inspecting my face, probably looking for pimples. Old habits don’t die hard. “Where is your remaining luggage” she looked at my hand bag on the table. “The cab will bring them later. I had to get here as soon as I could” she nodded and stood to go to the bathroom. 
I followed her but stood by the door. “Mummy, how bad is it?” I whispered. She washed her hands and took my own hands. “About that, i didnt want to tell you on the phone” She started smiling. “Tell me what?” I asked with concern.  “it was a false alarm, his health is perfect” she answered. I sat down immediately to steady my feet because of the relief i felt. “Mummy, Thank God!” I hugged her tightly and refused to let any tears drop.
“That’s not why I asked you to come home Pamilerin” she brought out her phone and started searching for something.
“Is there something else wrong? and its Pam mummy, you don’t need to call the full name” I scoffed and went to switch on the TV.
“I named you Oluwapamilerin on the day of your birth not Pam. Pam doesn’t mean laughter” she exclaimed and I actually burst out laughing. I wasn’t going to argue with her.
“Now back to what I was saying” she started smiling again.
“Mummy, this smile is suspicious” I didn’t know she had infected me and I was smiling too.
“Just freshen up and meet us in the dining, I’m sure your dad can’t wait to see you” she stood up and left the room before I could even say a word.
I quickly showered and put on a beige dress from my mum’s closet. The driver hadn’t brought my other luggage and the dress was really nice. I fit in perfectly into the dress and it just showed how much weight I had lost.

I packed my hair into a bun and ran downstairs to join my mother in the kitchen. There was a tall girl in the kitchen assisting my mum. I guessed it was the maid. “Good evening madam” the girl greeted. “Her name is Maria” my mum introduced her. “Good evening Maria” I replied and went to the dining.
As I walked towards the dining, I overheard  2 other voices. I wasn’t mentally prepared to greet family friends I hadn’t seen in over 8 years, but I breathed in and decided to suck it up. I walked in and immediately ran to hug my father.
“Daddy” I held him so tight and he felt so small in my embrace.
“My daughter” he released me a bit and held my hands. I noticed He had added weight from the last time I saw him and he looked really happy.
“Pam, do you remember Mr. and Mrs. Dimeji” my dad asked and my brain scanned their faces. They looked familiar but I couldn’t quite place where I knew them from. I nodded and they smiled while hugging me. They seemed more excited to see me than I was to see them.
“Can you remember Lade? I’m sure you do after all the drama at the Christmas parties” the man and the woman laughed while the guy beside them looked up to see me.
I remembered clearly. It was Lade
Our Christmas parties used to be the most talked about those years. We would host family friends and my parents work partners and just eat, drink and have fun. The kids used to have a separate area for playing and we often left the adults to talk. I had a lot of friends but I was really close to one.
Lade was one of the few who understood me. He would always give me the attention I needed, tolerate my stubbornness and still made me laugh. We were opposites, we would fight and everyone would tease us but we barely cared. Even till we became teenagers, we still remained close. He was the only one that called me by my second name because it was personal to him. 
He was there when we buried Tayo and he shared in my grief. I got better because of him and for a while I thought I couldn’t function without him.
He left for the states the day after my 20th birthday and I lost contact with him soon after.  Distance was an issue but I was the major issue. The last time we saw was at the airport in Lagos when he was leaving and He told me he loved me.
“Morountodun” he smiled.