MEDICINE+ FEELING OVERWHELMED + GOD

Over the last 63 days, I’ve spent almost all my days and nights in the hospital wards and I must say it’s been eventful, thrilling, exciting and annoying. 
Before I resumed 8 weeks ago, I was so pumped, looking fresh, full of strength and vigor since it was my last posting in fifth year and then Obstetrics and gynecology was looking at me like 🙄🙄🙄….
Oh well, they couldn’t even wait, I was on call the next day, work started with full force. At first, I was lost. My “stuffs” were stale😂😂 (Stuff is a slang in medicine meaning knowledge on a particular thing). It was a battle. Fast forward to the 3rd week, I was almost drowning, you could barely see my eyes, sleep deprived, I can’t even explain properly.  How will I forget those dreadful ward rounds? My legs cried, I heard them screaming for help. Don’t ask me how. They felt it more than I did.
One thing I’ve learnt to cherish most is my sleep. My darlings, God gives sleep to those he loves, he truly does but O and G will take it away from you and making God’s promise look somehow. I needed sleep. I was tired of using the word tired at some point.

By the 4th week I was happy to have a weekend off with my friends. I felt a different air outside, people were actually living life, things were moving on and I felt different, I needed it. It made me remember that I was just in a small bubble, things were actually moving fast outside.
I Came back feeling refreshed but then it didn’t last long. I had more long days and long nights, stressful days with reading. On one of those days I sat for a while and in a moment I stood still in the midst of the chaos. I could see fathers, mothers, mother in-laws, husbands, children, and so on moving up and down and running to get important materials their loved one needed. I could see fear, worry and agitation on their faces and there we were looking like demi gods who had the ‘final’ say over their situation.
On the other end, we were there to learn, to see what they presented with as a case study and at the same time balance it because we were dealing with human like us. 
All in all I had good times, moments where you actually see people get well, Patients become your friends and you’re happy to see them get better.
Seeing babies come to life was another thrilling thing. It was a beautiful experience the different times I witnessed it. God is really great.
I saw women in labor that had different emotions and experiences, my hands were extremely squeezed because of pain and I practically joined in the Labor.
While all these were happening, other aspects of my life too had a share. I barely had time to pray as much as I wanted and also have my quiet time as much as I wanted but then days kept rolling by and it looked like I was struggling but I made sure I continued. And more so, I’ve been praying for so many things and then I was so overwhelmed with it. I just felt like keeping quiet and not stressing God over the same prayer points.
Even with all these, I still kept telling God to strengthen and help me to not be tired of serving Him, to freshen me and revive me and just three days before May ended, I just randomly told my friend what had been happening and she told me that’s when I should go back to God and just empty my thoughts in His presence and never feel like a burden. The next morning I picked up my devotional, devotional journal in fact, all my journals(Check out my post on journaling ) with a different energy and started what I used to do normally and everything felt new and good again. Every part I read seemed it was specially designed for me. It was as if God knew I would experience all these and left those words for me. I felt loved again even more than I had ever felt. I felt closer I knew he truly had my best interests at heart. 

I prayed for what I used to pray for before and it felt different this time. I tried something out twice. I prayed to God that I was going to eat from a particular food vendor and I did not want any kind of stomach upset and it happened. There was no stomach upset. I tried it twice and there still wasn’t. That wasn’t enough though. I washed one evening and after checking my weather forecast, it said it would Rain, I told God to not let the rain fall and that my clothes should dry and remain intact. I went back the next evening and it was intact. I was so shocked.
It then dropped in my mind that God listens to you and He answers all your prayers. Every single one of them, you will see them manifesting at the right time. 

Another thing I learnt was
I can’t run away from God, instead I have to keep running to Him.
Sometimes we get tired and frustrated, but keep on moving, talk to Him, Tell God how you feel. He’s a loving Father so he will surely help.
So yeah!!! I’m so excited for June
I’m using my journals more this month, the goal is to rejoice in God always and to always be happy no matter what.
I have a daily journal entry I made for this month you can save the picture below

Estée ✨