I am delighted to welcome you to the August 2025 edition of Singles’ World. In the previous edition, I turned our attention to the practice of Omugwo; a very beautiful cultural and traditional institution which, sadly, has become a source of conflict in many families. I discussed the meaning of Omugwo and its many benefits, as well as one of the major controversies surrounding it: who should perform the Omugwo; the wife’s mother or the husband’s mother?
It is important to reflect on this tradition and the disputes that often arise around it, so that what is intended to be a blessing to families does not turn into a source of pain or tragedy. My concern here is for Christian families in particular, so that we do not give room for the devil to sow discord and destroy our homes.
The Controversy
One of the most troubling situations occurs when the husband’s mother had strongly opposed his marriage to his wife right from the beginning. Her opposition may have been vocal and obvious, yet the son insisted on marrying the woman he loved. Now, when the marriage produces a child, the same mother insists on performing the Omugwo. While the son does not object, his wife does, and with good reason. How can she comfortably welcome a mother-in-law who once rejected her and fought against her marriage? Unless there is evidence of genuine repentance and reconciliation, such an involvement may be motivated by bitterness or hidden resentment, and this creates the potential for strife.
On the other hand, if the son decides to oppose his mother’s wish and stops her from coming, the mother may quickly assume that her daughter-in-law influenced the decision. She may then direct her hostility towards the wife. If the son boldly owns up to being the one behind the decision, both he and his wife may face open hostility and possibly even prolonged battles with the mother-in-law. Where the mother’s attitude is vindictive or malevolent, the situation could escalate into spiritual warfare.
If, in an attempt to avoid such conflicts, the couple chooses to invite the wife’s mother instead, the husband’s mother may interpret it as a deliberate attempt to rob her of her rights and privileges. She may then turn against both the wife and her mother, concluding that her daughter-in-law has conspired to deny her the honour she believes she deserves. In African societies, the mother-in-law phenomenon has grown so intense that it often takes on cult-like dimensions, leaving couples in fear of backlash and deep-seated conflicts.
Another scenario arises when a husband simply dislikes his wife’s mother for no clear reason, and insists that only his own mother must perform the Omugwo. In this case, the husband’s mother enjoys all the benefits of the tradition, while the wife’s mother is permanently sidelined. This can cause deep pain and bitterness for the wife, especially when her mother has made huge sacrifices for her.
The problem becomes even more serious where the wife happens to be the breadwinner or where she, along with her mother, had financially supported the husband, perhaps even sponsoring his journey abroad. In such situations, it is only natural for the wife to feel deeply offended when her mother is disregarded. She may begin to feel oppressed, marginalized, and silenced by her husband’s patriarchal insistence on favouring only his own mother.
This tension often spills over into the relationship between the wife and her mother-in-law. The wife may become reluctant to release money for her upkeep or unwilling to allow her full access to the baby. She may engage in subtle resistance, withholding affection or cooperation as her own way of protesting the injustice against her mother. The longer the mother-in-law stays, the more strained and toxic the atmosphere becomes.
If the mother-in-law eventually returns home, she may tell stories about her unpleasant experience in her son’s household. And more often than not, her story will be exaggerated and retold in a way that paints her daughter-in-law as wicked, disrespectful, and unfit to live with her son. Such narratives quickly spread in family and community circles, drawing sympathy for the mother-in-law and hostility against the wife. Some may even begin to pressure the son to divorce his wife, thereby deepening the rift.
This type of situation may discourage the couple from visiting their home country for a long time, knowing that the mother-in-law and her allies will be waiting to fight back. The atmosphere becomes precarious and unstable. If the family is not prayerful, careful and spiritually discerning, the marriage could suffer devastating consequences from emotional breakdowns to relentless spiritual attacks.
Conclusion
The Omugwo tradition is a wonderful and helpful cultural practice that, when properly managed, strengthens family ties and provides crucial support for new mothers. But when handled without wisdom, it can quickly turn into a weapon of division and destruction in the hands of the enemy.
As Christian families, we must approach Omugwo not merely with human wisdom, which is often earthly and short-sighted, but with the wisdom of God that is pure, peaceable, and full of mercy. Only divine wisdom can enable couples to navigate these complex family dynamics with grace, patience and love.
May the Lord keep your home, grant you peace, and give you the divine wisdom to manage the Omugwo practice in a way that honours Him and preserves the unity of your marriage, in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
By the grace of God, we will continue from here next month. Please do not forget to send me your comments and testimonies. If you are not born again, please surrender your life to Jesus Christ today. Tomorrow may be too late. Until then, God bless you. Amen.
