FOUNDATIONAL ISSUES IN MARRIAGE: SPOILT BRAT 7
This is the last edition of the Singles’ World for the Year 2023. We are eternally grateful to God for the grace given to us to share with you. In this last edition, I will discuss with you the last behavioural trait of a spoilt brat. It is important for you to study and identify all the traits earlier discussed including this one in your partner before you decide whether you will go to the altar with him or her or not.
I have consistently warned that spoilt brats are not good materials for marriage. Spoilt brats are incredibly irredeemable liabilities, junks in marriage and rottenness in his or her partner. Unfortunately, you will continue to live with this mess till death do you part. This is a preventable and an avoidable stress. Once you build your home on this strain, it is a life trauma which will ultimately be unbearable, calamitous and catastrophic. Don’t forget the Word of God that says “If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do? (Ps. 11:3).
Foundational issues are usually difficult to resolve in marriage. A child that does not recognise English alphabets will not be able to form words with alphabets. Similarly, a child that does not recognise numbers in mathematics cannot proceed to additions or subtractions. Common complaints among couples today include; my wife is very lazy, my wife cannot cook, my wife is very stubborn, my wife is always rude, my husband is unappreciative, my husband is a bully, my husband is temperamental, etc. These are foundational issues. Check it out! Those who have these traits were raised by indulgent and permissive parents.
Let me quickly share with you a rough translation of a poem written by Prof. Oluyemisi Adebowale titled “Bankemo.” The poem captures the essence of a spoilt brat and the indulgent parents:
Bankemo.
If a child does a good thing
Just ignore it
If a child misbehaves
Just overlook it
Don’t pay attention to the misbehaviour of a child
Just coddle my child
If a child bed wets
Just pat him on the back
If a child poops on the bed
Just ignore it
Because he is not yet wise
If a child is spoilt like the rotten plantain trunk
Just spoil him with a wild homage
Because he is still very young
Foolish women that do this are many in society
They will say a child must be pampered
They will say it is God that gave the child for them to love
If the father scolds the child
The mother will quickly protest
If the rival wife scolds the child
The mother will tell her not to kill her child
If the neighbours beat the child
The mother will tell the neighbour to mind his business
Have you heard that beating a child can kill him?
Have you heard that mere scolding a child can kill him?
What do we do to a woman that does not want us to rebuke his child?
What do we do to a woman that glories in ignorance?
What do we do to a woman that says
She is the only woman that experiences child labour?
And does not want anybody to touch her child
What do we do to a woman that is gambling with the life of her child?
Who says she is caring for her child.
What do we do to a woman that turns her child’s life upside down?
That says it is her rival that is behind her child’s problem.
You indulgent mothers!
You permissive mothers!
We are not saying you should not care for your children
If you indulge your child, and the child rots away
You are destroying your life
You are gambling with the life of your child
If people scold your child, and you are asking them to keep quiet
Because you claim your child is not yet wise
When the child grows up spoilt, is that wisdom?
You forget that it is one person that gives birth to a child
But the child is trained by many people
You forget that dried fish cannot be bent
And if we don’t quickly cut the iroko tree when it is young
We will not be able to manage it when it grows up.
Disciplining a child does not kill a child
It only moulds a child very well
We are not asking you not to care for your child
A trained and disciplined child will be a pride to one in future
But a spoilt child is shame to one in society
If you want to indulge your child
Go on with it
And as you are coddling your child
You should also discipline the child
Care for your child and also discipline him
Indulgent parents!
Do it moderately.
There are two powerful images used in this poem. The image of an iroko tree shows that if a spoilt child is not tamed when she is young, she will become a nuisance and a deity in her husband’s house. The second image is that of a dried fish. A child is like a fresh fish that can be bent as one wills, but when it is old and has become fully formed, it is useless trying to change her just as it is impossible to straighten a dried fish without squeezing or ruining it. Don’t marry a spoilt child either as a husband or as a wife unless you are ready to deify her or make regular sacrifices to her to have peace. Why going through all this stress when you can easily avoid it now.
- Hates Criticism: In addition to disobedience, naughtiness, attention-seeking, despondency, obstructiveness, temper and ingratitude, spoilt brats don’t want to be criticised because they were pampered and never criticised when they were young even when they misbehaved. Whoever that tried to criticise or scold them would see the wrath of their indulgent parents. Imagine you getting married to such. When she misbehaves in the house, you cannot criticise her without facing her troubles. She can cry her eyes out for being criticised. She can also fight you back.
She had grown up with that mentality that she must never be corrected for her wrongdoings. Her husband is in perpetual trouble. Somebody said if a woman is allowed to rule the house, there will be peace. The only way for peace to reign is for the husband to keep quiet and ignore all her wrongdoings without criticising her at all. That is really a very big issue. Proverbs 22:3 says “A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself…” Please hide yourself away from spoilt brats. Don’t marry them. The Lord will help you.
By the grace of God, we will continue from here next month. Please do not forget to send me your comments and testimonies. If you are not born again, please surrender your life to Jesus Christ today. Tomorrow may be too late. Until then, God bless you. Wishing you a Prosperous 2024 in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Pastor Jide Ajidahun
