THE MAKING OF A HUSBAND 3
It is my delight to welcome you to the July edition of the Singles World. In the June edition, I shared with you the importance of responsibility as one of the essential and critical ingredients that any man planning to be a husband should have. An irresponsible man is a hopeless and an unreliable husband. If you are not ready to be responsible, keep off from marriage instead of being a liability to your wife and children. In this edition, I will also discuss another vital requirement that every man, who hopes to be a husband in future, should have.
3. Maturity: I said it in one of my earlier editions that marriage is not for boys and girls. It is not also just for any man or woman. Some men think that physical maturity is the only qualification they need to get married. You can be physically, biologically and financially mature to marry a wife, you need emotional, psychological and spiritual maturity to sustain the marriage. Let me say it again, marriage is a heavy responsibility, and such a responsibility must be discharged wisely, diligently and conscientiously.
An adage says. “If you don’t want to be derided or ridiculed, then don’t get married.” The import of this proverb is that if you don’t want your ego to be deflated, don’t get married. If you don’t want a woman to be rude to you, then don’t go into marriage. Your wife has no regard for your status. In fact, the most dreaded married men in the public are sometimes disgraced and ridiculed at home by their wives. That Professor, Money Magnate, Army General or General Superintendent that everybody honours can sometimes be reduced to a nonentity at home by his Christian, Holy Ghost filled and tongue speaking wife. Every man is married to woman that will sometimes be contemptuous, disrespectful and disdainful.
That elderly man or woman in your place of work trembles at your presence in the office. He carries out your instruction with alacrity because he knows it can cost him his job. Such a man can sometimes be afraid of his wife at home because of her troubles. And you cannot sack her the way you can sack your office assistant. Any attempt to raise your voice at her will be reported to your Church congregation or Church leadership for appropriate sanction. Since you want your image and status protected, you will have to bear her insults.
Most women have the tendency to nag. A nagging wife will also be controversial and quarrelsome. Their brains are wired for complaining, and it is difficult pleasing them. Apologies to our women. You need extra grace to absorb the nagging of a woman. When your wife harasses you and complains daily often about certain things and refuses to give you a breathing space, you really need a lot of maturity to manage that. The raving and the ranting of a woman in the house can be really really disturbing, distressing and oppressive.
Proverbs 19:13 says “A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.” “A parent is worn to a frazzle by a stupid child; a nagging spouse is a leaky faucet.” MSG. The answer provided by the Bible on how to manage such a woman is in Proverbs 21:9, “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.” “Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack than share a mansion with a nagging spouse.” MSG.
Proverbs 25:24 further says “It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.” Only the mature minds can stand it. A boyish husband cannot withstand it. You must realise this now before going into marriage. Don’t be surprised that many Christian wives are nagging and contentious irrespective of their spiritual status. The Bible recognizes the fact that it is not easy to live with a nagging and contentious wife inside the same house. So, it recommends that the husband should live in the corner of the housetop. Remember that the Bible does not say he should divorce her or run away from the house because of her. The Bible is against divorce.
You therefore need maturity to manage such a woman in all her moments of madness. It is as serious as that. Maturity is also an ability to mellow. Most men don’t want to mellow. The tendency is always in them to show their wives their worth. If you cannot sometimes mellow to accommodate your wife’s excesses, you cannot be a good husband. Mellowness is not a sign of timidity or cowardice. Rather, it is the quality of adulthood.
Maturity is also a display of wisdom. A foolish husband like Nabal cannot manage a home. 1 Peter 3:7 says “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” If you don’t want your prayers to be hindered after getting married, you need maturity to deal with your wife. You need to be wise to manage your wife. I am not talking about the worldly wisdom that is full of craftiness, deceit and treachery. James 3:17 says, “But the wisdom that is from above that is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.” This is spiritual maturity which every man needs to manage his home. And it comes from above.
Maturity, in most cases, is not a function of chronological age. There are adults who are immature as husbands, and there are young ones, in age, who are wiser and more mature than adults. It is not all about physical maturity. It is not all about I am ripe for marriage. And it is not all about I am rich or educated, and therefore I am ready for marriage. Do you have the patience and the emotional bravery to absorb the overindulgences and provocations of women? Without maturity, you will not be able to take informed decisions about your family. Without maturity, marriage will be a mirage.
See you next month, God willing! Till then stay blessed.
Pastor Jide Ajidahun
