FOUNDATIONAL ISSUES IN MARRIAGE: SPOILT BRAT 6
In the last edition of the Singles’ World, I discussed temper as one of the behavioural traits of a spoilt brat. It is usually a foundational issue which often makes marriage challenging. You have an unpredictable and irascible partner who will always constitute a nuisance in the home. They are easily irritable, and they flare up at the slightly provocation.
Unfortunately, it has now become a dangerous habit that may be difficult to overcome. You will have to be careful in making such a person your marriage partner. Just as I said before, that is one of the reasons why spousal assault is on the increase in society today. Don’t forget that foundational issues are usually difficult to handle. It is better to avoid them than to manage them. In this edition, I will discuss another feature of spoilt brats. This is to help you to avoid them as marriage partners if you want to live long. May the Lord help you to do His will in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
In addition to disobedience, naughtiness, attention-seeking, despondency, obstructiveness and temper, I will consider one other behavioural indicator of a spoilt brat:
Ingratitude: Dorothy Hamill describes a spoilt brat for us when she said “I was really a spoiled brat when I was a kid skating. Meals are cooked for you, you are driven to the rink, and they make costumes for you. Your parents sit around and watch admiringly while you skate. You don’t have to think about anything but skating. You’re just plain spoiled.” That is a spoilt brat or a juvenile delinquent. They are left unto themselves till they are spoilt irremediably.
Children generally don’t understand the importance of gratitude, and they are generally selfish. They just want everything to be theirs. If they are not taught to show gratitude when they should, they will grow up with the attitude of ingratitude. Again, there are indulgent parents who don’t care about this virtue. They will excuse this on the grounds that he is still a child. For instance, your guest or friend gives your child a gift or money; such a child should be told to thank the person immediately and the day after. If he is an African boy, he should be taught how to prostrate and show gratitude. In fact, he should be taught the appropriate words of appreciation.
Similarly, an African girl should be taught how to kneel down and thank the person politely. Indulgent parents will just thank the person on behalf of the child without ordering or teaching the child to do it. Gradually and unfortunately, the child will grow up and get married with this vice and think it is a virtue. For your information, one of the serious problems many couples are facing today is ingratitude or lack of appreciation. This can very painful, especially for women. Most men are guilty of this act of ingratitude in marriage relationships.
An adage says “An act of ingratitude is like when one is robbed.” Women too are guilty of it. When men help their wives to fetch water, to stay with ‘junior’ when she is away, to run some errands, etc., they expect their wives to thank them. When they give their wives special birthday gifts, they expect their wives to show some gratitude. Unfortunately, some wives see it as the normal thing that husbands should do for their wives. They wonder why the need for any special gratitude. For the regular cooking at home, cleaning of the house, taking care of the children etc., wives want their husbands to thank them.
Many husbands do not see any reason why they should thank them. For them, these are their responsibilities; why the need to thank their wives for doing their jobs. In fact, some spouses often forget to show gratitude to their partners until they are reminded. A French proverb says “Gratitude is the heart’s memory.” In fact, some see it as an unnecessary burden. Gratitude is not a burden. It is one of the cultural ethics that we must all embrace, and it is also Biblical. In Esther 6:11b, King Ahasuerus showed gratitude to Mordecai for revealing the plot of the enemies by honouring him with royal apparel.
In Exodus 2:20, Reuel, the priest of Midian rebuked his daughters for not showing gratitude to Moses, who had helped them to fetch water to water their flock. The priest sent for Moses to eat bread. In Luke 17, out of the ten lepers that Jesus Christ healed, only one of them came back, and with a loud voice glorified God. In Luke 17:16, the Bible says the man “fell down on his face at his feet, giving him thanks…” Only one out of ten, shows that there are many ingrates in the world today.
Unfortunately, that is one of the marks of these last days. In 2 Timothy 3:2, the Bible says in these perilous times, men shall be unthankful. When a child misses this very important home training, it becomes a problem for him or her in life, except there is a conscious effort to unlearn ingratitude and add gratitude as a virtue to his or her faith. Before you get there, there will be a lot of altercations at home or at work and in the church. Proverbs 22:6 says “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Spoilt brats are ingrates because they were not taught gratitude. No matter your labour for your spouse even if you are dying, if he/she is a spoilt brat, there will be no gratitude. And that can be very painful and discouraging. Without it in the house, your partner’s love for you can die. Your employer’s labour on you may also die. That is why Cicero said “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others. When your partner lacks it, that marriage will be tempestuous. An ungrateful man or woman will hinder others from being helped. Publilius Syrus said “One ungrateful man does an injury to all who stand in need of aid.”
David said in Psalm 107:8 “Oh that men would praise the Lord for His goodness, and for His wonderful works to the children of men.” Spoilt brats don’t care about this. Gratitude is a motivating factor in life. It compels you to do more, but spoilt brats will always discourage you. When you notice ingratitude in your partner, it may not matter to you now because you are desperate in getting married, but it will surely weigh you down in future when it will be too late to do anything about it. An ingrate man or woman should be avoided. That is why Ausonius said “Nothing more detestable does the earth produce than an ungrateful man.” It is also said that “A grateful dog has more worth than an ungrateful man.”
Spoilt brats are to be avoided if you want to enjoy your marriage and have long life in good health. Ingratitude is one of their markers. Avoid them, please. According to Lagbaja, a spoilt brat cannot pound yam unless you buy her a yam pounder. She cannot grind pepper without a blender. You will need to get her a cook because she cannot cook. She will need a vacuum cleaner because she cannot sweep the floor. She will need a drycleaner because she cannot wash clothes. She will need a nanny because she cannot nurse a baby. The list is endless. Finally, Lagbaja said a spoilt brat (Akebaje) is useless. The only thing she can do is to dance; a butter dance.
Somebody said “Ungrateful bastards will always be ungrateful because that is who they are. They have been manipulating their way through life since birth and there is no escaping that. The best thing to do is to get away from such people as soon as possible…”
By the grace of God, we will continue from here next month. Please do not forget to send me your comments and testimonies. If you are not born again, please surrender your life to Jesus Christ today. Tomorrow may be too late. Until then, God bless you. Amen.
Pastor Jide Ajidahun
