FOUNDATIONAL ISSUES IN MARRIAGE: SPOILT BRAT 4
In the last edition of our Singles’ World, I discussed despondency as one of the features of a spoilt brat. I also made the point that spoilt brats are problematic as marriage partners. It is a foundational issue that may be difficult to tackle easily. In this edition, I will discuss another feature of spoilt brats. The purpose is for you to avoid them as marriage partners if you want to enjoy your marriage and live long in life. May the Lord help you to obey Him and make the right choice in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
In addition to disobedience, naughtiness, attention-seeking and despondency, we will consider one other behavioural indicator of a spoilt brat:
Obstructiveness: Spoilt brats are fond of obstructing discussions. When the parents are busy having serious discussions, they will just barge into the discussion without any announcement or courtesy. Some children have this tendency. Some indulgent parents, especially the mother, will allow it and break the discussion to listen to the child to the annoyance of the father. By the time they resume their discussion, they would have lost the trend of it. This is because such children are attention seekers; they will always cause distraction that will make you abandon whatever you are doing to attend to them.
That is when they will want to pee or poo. That is the time they want you to carry them because they want to sleep. That is the time they want something that you will need to go out and buy or look for immediately. The child may hold your two legs and begin to cry loudly to your embarrassment. They just want to halt your discussion so that you can attend to them. Do not think they will leave you alone even after attending to them. They are just disruptive, obtrusive and obstructive.
When parents fail to correct this bad behaviour, it becomes a problem for his or her spouse in future. By the time she gets married, she will obstruct her husband’s discussion with anybody. Even when you are busy discussing with the children, she will just barge into your discussion and say whatever that she wants to say even though there is no urgency in whatever she has said. She could have waited to say it later to you, but she will not. Somehow, she is not comfortable that you are discussing with others and she is not involved. Her joy is that she has disrupted the discussion. That is a spoilt brat for you. She has little attention span. She is nosy and curious.
Even when you are discussing with your friend, she will interrupt the discussion and ask either a question or give you information which she could have given you after the discussion. Unfortunately, she cannot wait till you are done with your discussion. For her, she must give it now. Words in her mouth are like the vomit that she must throw up quickly. No matter the depth of your discussion with such a spouse, she will disrupt it with a sudden thought of her heart that suddenly pops up or something she remembers that has no bearing or connection with your current discussion.
Such a partner can hardly wait for you to conclude what you are doing before she begins to raise her own. Such behaviour is very annoying and disturbing. Both men and women are guilty of this. It is really a foundational issue that was not properly dealt with. Now it has developed tap roots and big branches. If you notice this attitude in your partner, try and avoid him or her or else, be prepared to live with it forever. Spoilt brats are difficult to manage, and they are very stressful in any relationship. Even in formal meetings, they will interrupt the Chairman or any member in the meeting because they want to talk and express their opinions quickly. They cannot hold their opinions till they are called to talk because of impatience.
Now that they are adults, it is going to be difficult for them to change, and you too will sweat trying to correct or change them. Proverbs 19:18 says “chasten thy son while there is hope.” This is definitely a hopeless time to correct and change an adult. So, avoiding them is better than managing them. The challenge with lovers is that they are blind to all this. Even when they notice it, they tend to trivialise it. Their conclusion is that there is no perfect human being. That is true, but there are manageable imperfections and there are unmanageable imperfections. Life is about choices. You are ultimately the product of your choices in life. Don’t marry a spoilt brat if you want to enjoy your marriage.
By the grace of God, we will continue from here next month. Please do not forget to send me your comments and testimonies. If you are not born again, please surrender your life to Jesus Christ today. Tomorrow may be too late. Until then, God bless you. Amen.
Pastor Jide Ajidahun
