THE QUESTIONS SINGLES ASK 1
Welcome to 2019. It shall be a month of discovery and recovery for you all in the name of Jesus Christ. In this edition, I want to answer some of the questions that our singles ask. They are live questions, and there is nothing fictitious about them. I trust that the Holy Spirit will help us with the right answers in the name of Jesus Christ.
Question 1 : How can a lady who has had many relationships in the past be trusted even if the present one leads to marriage?
Answer: I guess your worry is about her waywardness, fornication and abortion stuff in the past, and the fear that she may be wayward and unfaithful in this present relationship. First, it is natural to have these fears. If you are engaged to her, find out the details about her past, and evaluate the whole thing. Ask yourself if she is actually promiscuous? Is she naturally wayward? Was she the cause of the many relationships? Granted that she was a terrible fornicator and an Aristo in the past, if she opens up to you, and she is genuinely repentant and born again, you should let her past go and move on.
There is no saint without a past, and there is no sinner without a future. If the Lord has forgiven her, and there is no sign of waywardness or promiscuity in her, I believe she can be trusted. Remember Rehab the harlot in the Bible made it to Heaven. Mary Magdalene was demon possessed, and the Lord set her free. She was the first to see Jesus after His resurrection- John 20:17. If the Lord has forgiven her, and she has truly repented without any sign of infidelity in her life, and you love her, and you are sure God wants you to marry her, please go ahead. The Lord will help you.
However, if there are obvious signs of unfaithfulness in her to show that she is vulnerable to promiscuity, and you are not sure of her salvation, please, leave her and let her go. On the other hand, if she is ready for deliverance, take her for deliverance and be sure she is delivered and free from all those spirits of immorality. In case, your heart is still not satisfied with her and you feel irritated about her ugly past, go and marry another person. It is not a sin. God has called us to peace. If the lady has genuinely repented of her sins, the Lord will give her another husband that will accept her and her past.
Remember, bro. that you too have your own stinking past, and if you don’t have, don’t boast because it is of God’s grace. According to Ephesians 2: 8-9, the Bible says “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast.” The ball is right in your court to make your choice.
Question 2: How often can we misunderstand one another in courtship?
Answer: Misunderstanding is part of relationships. Even in marriage, there will be misunderstandings between the husband and his wife. Without disagreement, you will not grow in your relationship. Through it, you will learn your temperaments and areas of strength and weakness of each other. You will learn the likes and dislikes of each other. If you are always in agreement over all issues, it is not a natural love. You may be deceiving each other. So, in your courtship, you will surely have some misunderstandings; it is a period when you are under- learning the behaviour and the attitudes of the person you have never related with closely before.
There will be misunderstanding and disagreement over some issues, and then you will resolve them. The lessons learnt from the disagreements will be kept by both of you so that you will know how to manage such misunderstanding if it comes up again. When you resolve, you continue with your relationship. It is in courtship that you know whether your man is stingy or not. It is in courtship that you will know whether she is dirty and disrespectful or not. It is in courtship that you will know if the man is responsible or not no matter how hard he tries to hide all these. It is courtship that you will know if your in laws want you or not. It is in courtship you will know if your partner is a talkative or not.
However, your misunderstandings must not be too frequent. If you quarrel often even if you resolve them, it may be a sign that both of you are incompatible. Too frequent misunderstanding in courtship will endanger your relationship especially on frivolous issues that should be overlooked. You may need to review your relationship and ask whether it is worth continuing with. A proverb says “the eyes that will last a lifetime should not start to discharge very early in life.” The Bible says in Amos 3:3 “Can two walk together except they be agreed.” Proverbs 21:19 says, “Better to live in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining woman.” Proverbs 19:13b also says “a nagging wife annoys like a constant dripping.” (The Living Bible Version). If it is the man that is quarrelsome also, the relationship will be tiresome and wearisome.
Question 3: Is it right for a woman who is already engaged to meet different men and be asking for their phone numbers one after the other?
Answer: A woman who does that is a gambler. It is also she is either a prostitute or a greedy person. If she is not sure, why is she engaged in the first instance? It may also be that she wants to hold this man down first while she is looking for a “better” person. That is why I said she is gambling. This is the behavior of a typical an unbeliever. What is the purpose of asking for their phone numbers if not because you want something from them? Such a behaviour is risky for her? If five of them propose to her, how will she manage it?
Will she collect their money and run away? Very risky! A good Christian will seek God’s face in prayers and be sure before saying yes to any man’s proposal. Even if you need to break up later, it must be there is a serious reason for that. This attitude is not right. It is ungodly. It is unethical. A woman like that should first give her life to Christ and be born again. When her life is transformed in Christ Jesus, it will be clear to her that such an attitude is ungodly.
We will continue from here next month, God willing! Till then, stay blessed.
Pastor ‘Jide Ajidahun.
