THOSE WHO ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO MARRY
Welcome to the July edition of our Singles World, I will discuss with you again another person that you should not marry. May the Lord guide and lead you by His Spirit in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
3.
Don’t Marry a Woman who is not ready to Complement Your Efforts and Share Her Money with You
The trend now among the modern Christian women in the church is that the family responsibility is entirely the headache of the husband. Since he is the head and he enjoys the leadership given to Him by God, let him demonstrate his competence and headship by shouldering the family responsibilities. The spirits of competition and jealousy are at work here, no doubt. To these women, the husband cannot be bragging and commanding everybody at home just like that. He has to pay for his commando posture at home.
Another reason why our Christian sisters today push the family responsibility on the husband is their belief that 1 Timothy 5:8 that says “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel” is referring to the husband. They believe that the Bible is talking to the Christian husbands and urging them to provide for their families.
The third reason is the belief that men cannot be trusted. They aver that if you help and labour with a man today with all your resources, he will disappoint you tomorrow either by marrying another woman or by his acts of infidelity. They wonder, therefore, why they should support their husbands with their money when they can be thrown out of the house they jointly built because of a stupid small and seductive girl.
The fear of widowhood and its attendant consequences particularly in Africa contribute to the stance of women on this also. In some African cultures, it is believed that when the husband dies, the wife must be the cause. Her punishment includes assault, abuse, seizing from her all the property in the house, and virtually stripping her naked. This is one of the barbarities in African culture. Again, why should they send me out of the house that I built with my husband? Why should they seize the car that I bought with my own money? Or why did they impound the car that my husband bought for me? Consequently, Christian sisters, therefore, think that the way out is for them to face their lives and allow the husbands to face the home.
However, the life of a believer is patterned after the word of God and not after the culture or the norms of the world. We are to follow the footsteps of Jesus Christ and not the footsteps of the world. 1 Peter 2:21 says “Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps.” In Romans 12:2, we are warned not to be conformed to this world because we are not of this world. The word of God is both impeccable and unimpeachable. It must be used to run our lives as Christians. Therefore, we cannot do anything other than what the word of God has commanded us to do. We can therefore rest and commit our future into the hands of God.
It is not right and scriptural to leave the family responsibility completely in the hands of the husband. If any sister holds on to this old people’s fable and insists that she cannot support her husband financially at home, such a sister should not get married. In Genesis 2:18, the Bible says “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” “I will make a helper suitable for him”- NIV. “I will make one like himself as a help to him”- Bible in Basic English.
In the beginning, God created Eve as a helper for Adam. The work of a helpmeet is to help and not to compete with him or be a burden to the man she is expected to help. A helper is a supporter. Granted that the man has the responsibility to take care of his home, the wife must assist and support him. When you interact and you find these sisters maintaining their stand that they cannot support their husbands financially, run away from such sisters. They are stressors. They are not meant for marriage.
According to Matthew 19:5, both the husband and the wife have become one flesh. They are no more two. According to 1 Corinthians 12:21, they need each other just as the eye cannot say unto the hand, I do not need thee. The role played by husbands and wives is complementary. They are not to live independently. These purported Christian sisters can share their bodies with their husbands but they cannot share their money with them. Don’t marry them. Nature even teaches us that we need one another. For instance, without the husband, there is no conception. Both the husband and the wife must cooperate and give before they can have children.
If you marry a woman who is not ready to support you financially, it means you alone will finance the following in the family:
Payment of the school fees of the children.
Feeding of the entire family.
Payment of the medical bills and purchase of drugs.
Payment of electricity bills.
Provision of water/payment of water bills.
Fuelling and maintenance of the family car/husband’s car always.
Purchase of clothes for the family and especially for the children.
Family building project.
Maintenance of the building and household gadgets.
Security bills.
Provision and maintenance of plumbing facilities
Provision of TV facilities.
Travelling expenses etc.
Accommodation rent.
Support for your in-laws and your relations too. Etc.
The implication of this is that you may not be able to provide the best for the family except you are a very wealthy man. Why others send their children to good private schools, you will send your children to local public schools. You may not be able to give them good and quality food and provide the family with modern gadgets such a plasma TV, computer systems, Wi-Fi, Refrigerator, Washing machine etc. Besides, the stress of meeting all the family needs without the support of the wife is killing. You may develop high blood pressure and go grey while you are still young. Sincerely, you may not live long. Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.” It is better for both of you to labour together so that you can go far. When you leave the whole family responsibility to the man alone, the Bible says you have no reward. The reward is reserved for both of you.
Don’t marry any sister who believes that it is your entire responsibility to provide everything for the family while she must spend her own money the way she likes. Remember that widows are more than widowers in town. Don’t die before your time. Live and enjoy the fruits of your labour. You are warned!
In case, you are already married and your wife is not supporting you financially, don’t overstress yourself. Do the little that you can do within your available resources that can be acknowledged by both man and God that you have tried. Eat well and create time to rest. If you die because of stress, your wife will collect your gratuity while mourning in her black attire and spend it the way she likes. She may even fund your burial expenses from your gratuity. She can even remarry and move on in life. One day, she will say that you didn’t give yourself rest of mind. Be wise, bro!
By the grace of God, we will continue from here next month. Please, don’t forget to send me your comments and testimonies. Till then, stay safe and God bless you. Amen.
Pastor Jide Ajidahun
