THE QUESTIONS SINGLES ASK 12
Compliments of the season! I warmly welcome you back to the December edition of the Singles World. In this edition, I will like to answer more questions. May the Holy Spirit give us the right understanding in the name of Jesus Christ.
Question: I have been in a relationship for two years, and the guy is a perfect guy, but I had a dream that he changed, and he promised that he would not change. Now, I discovered that he has changed towards me. He does not want me to leave. What do I do?
Answer: God had revealed to you in a dream that the guy would change towards you for you to be prepared. Now the dream has come to pass, and yet he does not want you to leave him. You have not mentioned the changes you noticed in him. If they are changes that you can tolerate, you can continue with him provided you have God’s backing from the onset.
If you cannot tolerate the changes now and in future, and if the changes bother on sin or on unacceptable behaviours, I suggest you quit. It is better to quit than to accept him and put yourself into bondage. Proverbs 27:12 says, “A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished.” A wise person sees danger coming and avoids it but the foolish enters into it. If you quit, God will give you your destined husband.
Question: At what stage in courtship do you disclose issues pertaining to your family with your partner?
Answer: You can begin to discuss your family issues with your partner as soon as your relationship is mature enough for such discussion. Let the relationship be steady, stable and firm with good assurances that it will lead to marriage. However, don’t be too late in discussing them. For instance, if one of your parents is mentally ill, don’t tell your partner very early in your relationship, he or she may run away thinking that you may inherit it.
Also, if you disclose it when you are about getting married, your partner may be angry with you. It may affect your relationship. Very sensitive issues should be carefully and cautiously discussed appropriately. A month into your courtship, if you tell your fiancé that your mother is a witch, he may run away. If you tell your fiancée that your father is into money rituals, she may run away. There are issues that may be discussed early, and there are issues that may be delayed.
The type of person your partner is also matters. The personality and the spiritual maturity of your partner matter. You may also cleverly and indirectly test your partner’s opinion about some family issues, and listen to his or her views. You may base it on what you read on the social media or somebody’s experience. His or her response will help you to know his or her likely attitude to your own family issues if you raise them. In addition, put the issues into prayers and ask the Lord to direct you and take control but don’t tell lies in order to prevent your partner from running away. If he gets to know in future that you had lied to him, he may not trust you again.
Question: If somebody is the will of God for your life, and there are some areas in which you are not compatible, how will you handle that?
Answer: Amos 3:3 says “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” Both of you must be well compatible in order for your marriage to be successful. You may not be compatible in all areas, and it is not even possible. There are some major areas in which you need to be compatible or else your marriage will not work. Those areas include the following:
Salvation: Both of you must be born again. You must be believers. If one is born again, and the other is not a Christian, you are not compatible. You must not marry each other.
Doctrine: You must attend the same church and practise the same doctrines. If one is a Pentecostal, and the other is Catholic, they are not compatible. There will be problems in the family.
Educationally: Both of you must be compatible educationally. There is no compatibility between the marriage between an educated person and an uneducated person. A School Certificate Holder getting married to a university graduate may not really work except the former is ready to go back to school. Both of you must be close in terms of educational qualifications.
Genetically: You must have both genotype compatibility and Rhesus factor compatibility. AS and AS getting married is not a good combination. AS and SS getting married is a bad combination.
Age: Although age may not solely determine the success or failure of a marriage, it is advisable for both partners to belong to the same age group where the husband is older than the wife. A situation whereby the man is 10/15 years older than his wife does not seem like a good combination to me. Also, if a woman is older than her husband, it does not seem like a good combination but that does not mean that they cannot get married. They can but the woman may have to endure more than the husband.
Vision: Both of you must share the same vision. You must have similar purpose in life. If the man wants to be a pastor and the woman wants to be a politician or a business woman, they are not compatible. If the woman wants to live abroad but the man wants to stay in his country like Nigeria for example, they are not compatible. If the man wants to go into hotel business, and the woman wants to be in the gospel music ministry, they are not compatible.
Just make sure you are compatible in all these major areas and other areas that you consider very important. Don’t insist that both of you must be compatible in all areas such as height, complexion, taste etc. It will be impossible. You will need adjustments and acceptance to live together. Don’t forget that you are two separate and different personalities coming to live together for the first time and for life.
By the grace of God, we will continue from here next month. Please, don’t forget to send me your comments. Till then, God bless. Wishing you a Happy New Year in advance.
Pastor Jide Ajidahun.
