THE QUESTIONS SINGLES ASK 9
Welcome back again to the September edition of the Single’s World. In the last edition, I was discussing a question that was based on Christian courtship. I will like to continue from there in the edition. May the Lord enlighten your hearts in the name of Jesus Christ.
Question: What is courtship?
Answer: (Continued) from where we stopped last month.
Sincerity: During the period of courtship, you must open your eyes widely. There is nothing like love is blind in this case. What you consider little today may turn out to be a big problem in future. Don’t pretend about your relationship. If her food is not tasty, tell her in love without mixing words. If she is proud and extravagant, let her know. If she is lazy and dirty, let her know lest she thinks she is okay. If she lacks good manners, you should also let her know. If he is careless and heady, tell him. If he is stingy and uncaring, tell him.
An adage says, the eye that is discharging should be shown its discharge as a warning against uncleanliness. Don’t be afraid in telling the truth to each other. Perfect love casts out fear. Sisters who are desperate in get married are not likely to complain of anything about their partners lest they run away. You need to see them after marriage, they are Igwe of nagging. They can be pugnacious The man you think that is responsible today may turn out to be a useless husband. This is pretence! Don’t run your relationship on hypocrisy. Don’t play hide and seek game.
However, let your corrections or observations be seasoned with grace. Don’t be harsh, condemnatory and judgmental. Colossians 4:6 says, “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.” On the other hand, appreciate good things in your partner. You must therefore be sensitive to each other and to the Holy Ghost. This is not the same thing as being suspicious.
Commitment: Both of you must be committed to the relationship. If one person is committed and the other is nonchalant, the relationship will not work. If one is building the relationship and the other is pulling it down through his or her attitudes, the relationship will not succeed. For instance, if you are the one calling all the time while the other is always giving excuses for not calling, the relationship will not end well because the other person who is committed will feel cheated, and he may be weary. If one is giving but the other is always receiving, the relationship may crash.
For the hands to be clean, you need to rub both hands together. Your commitment must be seen both in words and in action. There will be disagreements but you must learn how to resolve them as possible as you can. And if you have very sharp disagreements that are irreconcilable and irresoluble especially the ones you know that can threaten your marriage in future if you overlook them and you get married, you may have to part peaceably. It may be painful, but it is better than to live in perpetual bondage.
Duration: Nobody can dictate the duration of courtship for any person. Individuals can decide this for themselves. We have both long and short courtships. Some may last for six months or a year and some extend to between three and six years. Both long and short courtship have their advantages and disadvantages. For short courtship, you may not know each other very well before you get married. It may give room for pretence and deceit. For long courtship, they may not get married eventually. They will face quite a lot of temptations and trials although the two will know each other very well.
Individuals should decide the duration of their courtship based on genuine reasons and convictions like factors of money, school, employment and parental dynamics among others. Whichever one that God allows for you is the best for you. However, a courtship of about two or three years should be okay. That is why you should not go into any relationship if you have no plans to get married in the next three years or else you will have a very long courtship which is not necessary and profitable.
Your courtship must not be an occasion to sin but an opportunity for self-discovery. It is a period when a proper foundation should be laid for your future family. You must therefore toe the path of holiness and follow God’s standard.
By the grace of God, we will continue from here next month. Please, don’t forget to send me your comments. Till then, God bless.
Pastor Jide Ajidahun.
