THOSE WHO ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO MARRY
Welcome again to the February edition of our Singles World for 2022. In this edition, I will be discussing with you the eighth characteristic of those who are not qualified to marry. May the Lord help us in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
8.
Don’t Marry an Unforgiving Person
An Unforgiving Person: Outside the marriage relationship, friends offend us and we offend them too. In some cases, we are pained that we often find it difficult to forgive the person. For instance, your friend borrowed money from you and refused to return it till you left school. Again, your trusted friend snatches away your fiancée or your fiancé elopes with another guy without any serious fight or disagreement even when you are busy talking about your wedding plans and age is not really on your side. Your dad too could have rejected you because you gave your life to Jesus Christ instead of following his ancestral god. Your uncle too could have sexually abused you. All these examples could be very hurtful, painful, agonising and tormenting. You could have vowed never to forgive them.
One of the wonders of marriage, if you find the right partner anyway, is that you soon forget all these bitter experiences because you have found a new lover who understands you and who expectedly will lavish you with excess love. Second, marriage will take you far away from these excruciating environments where you have been hurt. You are now out of school. You are free from that bullying senior, cantankerous roommate, randy lecturer, treacherous friend etc. Your marriage is like an escape from these evil acquaintances and compensation for the acts of injustice done to you over the years. You may not even see many of your offenders for life.
Now that you are married, you think offences are over. Wait a minute! Offences have just started. You can run away from those old friends and relations that troubled and provoked you badly but you cannot run away from your spouse. You have sworn to live together till death do you part on for better for worse basis. Not so? Yes! That is it. Somebody said, “Marriage is the Ministry of Offence and you must be a Permanent Secretary in the Department of Forgiveness.” When you are in courtship, you are mad with love. You try as much as possible to forgive and absolve so much insult but in marriage, it is a different ball game. That is why Steve Jobs said “When you are in love wonders happen. But once you get married you wonder what happened.” Andrew Kutto also says “marriage is the only battle in the world where the combatants share a bed.” That is the reality of marriage today.
Offences are unavoidable in a marriage relationship. In Matt. 18:7, Jesus said “for it must needs be that offences come…” If you cannot forgive, marriage is not meant for you. When some people are offended, they vow never to forgive. Some say the matter will only be solved when they get to Heaven. There is no room for such in Heaven. Those who fail to forgive those who offend them will not make Heaven. In Mark 11:26, Jesus said, “But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is heaven forgive your trespasses.” If your sins are not forgiven, you cannot make Heaven. In the family, only God knows how often you will offend your spouse daily. The offences may range from trivial to very serious offences. The two lovers who hardly quarrel during courtship and even when they quarrel they are quick to forgive will soon discover that it is a different atmosphere in marriage.
Some of the offences in the home include but are not limited to the following for which some may not forgive:
Assault and battery: Beating and assaulting your spouse.
When a wife is building a house secretly without telling her husband
When the wife buys a car without telling the husband.
Infidelity. Having side chicks.
When your spouse discovers that you are engaged in fetishism
When you publicly abuse your spouse and his family.
When you leak publicly some secrets that your spouse has shared with you privately.
Betrayal
Defame the character of your spouse/Disparage your spouse.
Tell lies against your spouse.
Attempt to poison your spouse.
Disobedience to the husband.
Abandoning your responsibility in the house: when the husband does not pay school fees or when he does not bother about what the family will eat or when the wife is nonchalant about cooking, cleaning of the house, taking care of the children etc.
Lack of submission to the husband
Lack of love for the wife.
Sexual denial.
Shouting at your spouse.
The list is endless. Only God knows how many times your spouse will offend you in a day. As long as humans relate, there will be offences. Offences abound more in a family relationship because of many factors such as incompatibility, parental interference, economic hardship, third party interference, lack of spirituality, personality issues, demonic attack etc. That is why someone said “No marriage is perfect. Those celebrating 30 years, 40 years, 50 years of togetherness, are celebrating forgiveness, tolerance, ignoring the husband’s stupidity and overlooking the wife’s misbehaviour” or eccentricities.
If you are not ready to be a Permanent Secretary in the Department of Forgiveness in your home, don’t marry then. And if you know any brother or sister who finds it difficult to forgive, don’t marry him or her because the relationship will be tempestuous. When you are living together with a spouse who has refused to forgive your offence of two years ago, your life is not safe. Such a spouse will be carrying bitterness, malice and hatred in his or her heart. Such a person will be looking for an opportunity to revenge.
You will recall a wife who killed her husband recently after both of them had just returned from a trip abroad. We learnt the man was very wealthy. Immediately both of them returned from their overseas trip and the wife learnt that her husband had impregnated another woman, she poisoned him and when the man was battling with the effect of the poison, she ironed his manhood and the man died. Such spousal attacks are common today in society due to a lack of forgiveness. Ephesians 4:32 says “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
It takes maturity, tolerance, patience, spirituality and grace to forgive because some offences can greatly hurt. As Christians, we have to forgive. Unfortunately, when you refuse to forgive, you hurt yourself the more. Your heart is like a dustbin of offences. Just as a dustbin stinks if it is not emptied, you also will be stinking because you have refused to empty the offences stored up in your heart. Marriage is not for you folks!
May the Lord deliver you from this demonic unforgiving spirit. Until you are delivered, keep away from marriage.
By the grace of God, we will continue from here next month. Please, don’t forget to send me your comments and testimonies. Till then, stay safe and God bless you. Amen.
Pastor Jide Ajidahun
