Defining a relationship

Happy Eid el fitr to all the muslim readers. today is wednesday and Esther Ajidahun has decided to share her opinion about defining a relationship. This is becoming the topic of discussion among us youths today. telling someone how you feel instead of wasting time. Esther wrote this in her own opinion so if you have your own opinion. drop it by commenting or tweet @ayokunle_ao and @esteeajidahun let us know what you think about this topic. Enjoy!

Yaaaaaas!!!!! This is one topic that people have different sides to: Who to define your relationship with, how to define it and when to define it. I decided to write this after i read a book by Bimbo Odukoya. 

Well I’m guilty of this too; I once had a problem in defining my relationship with a guy. ‘Are we friends or more than friends? Do we like each other or we are just acquaintances?’ Whenever I tell Ayo, there’s this guy, we talk a lot, he calls a lot and I think he likes me. She would say okay, how long have you guys been friends?’ ‘Do you like him back?’ ‘Does he have a girlfriend?’ then she would end with telling me to define my relationship with the guy. If he doesn’t do it, then you do it.

A deep and intimate relationship between a man and a woman should always begin with friendship. Friendship is the starting point. Often, people do not know when to move from friendship to a more committed stage, the courtship level or just let the girl or the boy know they are better off as friends instead of leading themselves on. If they don’t define the relationship quickly, it could be a potential source of heartache and a total waste of time. For instance, this is just a fictional example.

KATE, a banker and Julius, an architect, became friends after meeting at a friend’s birthday party. They based the friendship on care and understanding, and confided in one another. They discussed a lot of deep topics someone can only discuss if they really care about the person. And of course, someone started catching feelings.

A time came when Kate was no longer comfortable whenever Julius told her that he was interested in another woman. Julius was totally oblivious of her feelings. She wanted to go out with him more and she wanted him to notice her but not as a friend. She even did so many favors a “friend” shouldn’t do for him, there was a time she redecorated his office because he was out of town for a week. He was actually surprised (normal reaction) and then nothing changed. They remained ‘just friends’…friend-zone of life. (I’ve been there too)

Frustration set in, she wanted more commitment but Julius was happy to be friends. She wanted to make a move but didn’t know how to go about it. She didn’t know how to tell him since he didn’t pick up the signs. Many of us can relate to this Kate and Julius story. Sincerely Julius should have been sensitive enough to pick up those signs that she wanted more than friendship. Even a blind man can see those signs, especially the office re-decoration.

I believe there’s a point at which we all know we want more than friendship.

It is usually good to define ones relationship in other to have a clear view. I think whether you’re a boy or a girl you should feel free to ask questions, when your feelings for someone go beyond friendship. If you really like a guy, Ask him “do you want to stay friends forever or something more?” .Sometimes we girls shy from it maybe because of African tradition. There is nothing wrong asking a guy or a girl what his or her intentions are once you’ve been friends for let’s say five or six months and you can see some chemistry. That doesn’t mean you’re proposing or jumping. It just saves your time.

Imagine being close friends or let’s say just friends with a guy for five years and eventually when you can’t take it anymore you finally tell him and he swear he had no idea you ever felt that way. ‘Esther you’re just my close friend and I think we are better off as friends’. Regret sets in and you wonder what you had been doing with such a person for a long while. You have wasted five years of your life. Wasted emotions, time and everything you’ve invested. In fact you won’t want to think about it.

So, don’t pretend, know what you want, define your relationship in order to save you from emotional stress and heartbreak. Let’s not get into the friend-zone. It’s not nice at all I tell you. And I think it’s more on the ladies than the guys. There will be a post on how to get out of the friend zone next week.

PS…was inspired by my own experiences so I was able to relate.

Estée 😊