Love.
I want to assume that we all know what love is. But in the event we do not, love as used in this post is a feeling of strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties. At least, na so Merriam-Webster talk am.
Anyways anyways, unlike in the abroad where parents and children openly express their love for one another (nobody should tell me otherwise biko, na allofus dey watch American feem), love In a Nigerian home is a sombre affair expressible only in a number of subtle ways. It is the true expression of the saying “action speaks louder than words” in motion as will be shown over the course of this post.
First off, I’ll start with the Nigerian ‘mummy’, ‘mother’, ‘iyawo’, ‘wife’; whichever expression tickles your fancy.
In a typical Nigerian home, the Nigerian Iyawo best expresses her love for her husband through her cooking as his stomach is “in pari materia” with his heart. Olowo ori mi, ale nobody. Eba in the morning, Amala in the afternoon, Iyan in the evening. That is why almost every Nigerian husband has a potbelly in varying stages of growth. You don’t believe me? Oya you just look around you first and see if i’m lying. In the off chance that you do find a Nigerian husband without a potbelly, you do not need me nor a soothsayer to tell you that 1) his wife does not love him and 2) he does not have a sidechick to rub his belly for him.
In some traditions, Iyawo’s expression of love must also include giving her husband a male child to propagate his line notwithstanding the fact that the husband determines the sex of the child. If Iyawo cannot, then it is usually concluded by the husband’s relatives that iyawo does not love their son that is why she has refused to give him a male child and that she should leave his house. SMH.
As a mummy to the children, the Nigerian mother shows them love by being the good cop to their father’s bad cop (and vice versa). This she does by petting them with her soft love after they’ve experienced their father’s tough love through dodo, chocolate, extra meat ati bebe lo. She also in concordance with her husband, buys Christmas clothes for the kids and slip them extra pocket money on their way to school simply because… she loves them.
Next up on my list is the Nigerian ‘Daddy’, ‘Husband’, ‘Father’.
One of the ways in which the Nigerian Daddy shows his children love is by paying their school fees and giving them pocket money. And if the love in his heart is such that it is full to bursting, he goes the extra mile and pays for their after-school lessons too… Just so that they can be successful in life.
He must also as an exercise of his love for them, give them a good and loving hiding with his pankere, belt or koboko whichever his poison is, whenever they misbehave and ban teenage boys from visiting his house where he has an abundance of female children.
In his role as husband, he must drop food money for the iyawo. Failure to do so will see her love for him turn sour like sacrificial beans that has been left at the foot of Sango’s shrine for five days hence.
For the Nigerian shide, all you need do to reciprocate and show your parents you love them, is by reading your books, carrying first in school, not joining bad gang, getting a respectable job and in their old age, take good care of them. And oh, lest I forget, if you’re the last born, you must wash plate. It does not matter how old you are, it is in the constitution.
So… Nigerian Daddies, Mummies, Shildren and even Uncles and Aunties out there, if you are wondering whether your significant other, parents, nibblings and/or children love you, just look out for these signs and all will be well with you.
Shalom.
