FOUNDATIONAL ISSUES IN MARRIAGE: SPOILT BRAT 5
In the September edition of our Singles’ World, I discussed obstructiveness as one of the features of a spoilt brat. I also made the point that spoilt brats are difficult to live with as marriage partners because it is a foundational and problematic issue. In this edition, I will discuss another feature of spoilt brats so that you can avoid them as marriage partners if you want to enjoy the full blessings of your marriage and live long. May the Lord help you to obey Him and make the right choice in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
In addition to disobedience, naughtiness, attention-seeking, despondency and obstructiveness, we will consider one other behavioural indicator of a spoilt brat:
- Temper: Spoilt brats are very temperamental. Recall that we said spoilt brats are products of poor parenting or lack of proper parenting. Spoilt brats are touchy, petulant and cantankerous. At the early stage when the child was misbehaving and flaring up at the slightest provocation and crying over trivial issues, he was being pampered instead of being disciplined. He would naturally think that his parents approved of his behaviour by pampering him.
He was not reproved and rebuked seriously for being finicky, fastidious, unaccommodating, irritable and bad-tempered according to Proverbs 29:15 that says “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.” He was always idolised and appeased like the mythical Sango when angry. When such a child grows up with this behavioural dysfunctionality and attitudinal abnormality, it becomes very difficult for the child to change because all this mess, like a plague, had been glued to his life during his formative years. He has thus grown up as a man that is deformed in character. She has now grown up with evidence of physical features but with a lot of seemingly irreparable character flaws.
All the intolerable, unbearable and unacceptable habits in any sane society have been well formed in him. It is like trying to bend a roasted fish without expecting it to break. When such a temperamental man or woman gets married, it takes a lot of patience, long suffering and endurance to live with such a person. He or she will be very fussy and crabby over frivolous issues that should be overlooked.
When such a husband gets angry, he may refuse to eat the food prepared by his wife. He may resort to stonewalling. He may walk out of the house and come back late in the night. He may be malicious towards his wife and if provoked further instead of being appeased, it can lead to assault. If the wife is ready to placate him with every gift of humility in her, she may calm him down temporarily.
Also, when such a wife gets angry, she may refuse to cook. She will close the door of romance. Besides, she can cry for days until she is appeased by the husband just as her parents were doing for her when she was young. If nobody appeases her, she may contemplate suicide depending on the gravity of the cause of her anger. This is one of the foundational issues rocking many homes today. Spousal abuse, assault and murder are on the increase today. Some bad-tempered husbands return their wives’ insults with assaults, while some irascible wives return their husbands’ insults with insults and assaults with assaults.
In some of the recent reported cases, such fracas and altercations have resulted to death on both sides. It is scary and frightening listing examples of such cases here. You cannot live with a touchy and angry spouse and expect to live long. That is why Proverbs 22:24 says “Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go.” To balance it, Proverbs 21:19 says “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”
You cannot live happily with either an angry man or an angry woman. An angry person will never be a good listener. He will be very impatient, easily irritable and inhospitable. Even God cannot use such as His minister. Titus 1:7 says to qualify as a bishop, the person must not be soon angry.
If you are not married, don’t inherit an unbearable foundational problem which you didn’t know anything about in the name of love. You may not be able to carry this cross. Make your choices wisely. The God of Heaven will help you as you depend upon His guidance. If you are married to a temperamental spouse, with prayers, patience and obedience to the Holy Spirit, you can navigate through the storm. The Lord will help you.
By the grace of God, we will continue from here next month. Please do not forget to send me your comments and testimonies. If you are not born again, please surrender your life to Jesus Christ today. Tomorrow may be too late. Until then, God bless you. Amen.
Pastor Jide Ajidahun
